Tuesday's Lessons.

Sometimes I think I'm no different from a 5-year old kid. (I'm not referring to size here okay!)

• I still get upset when things don't go my way.
• I'm still scared to venture into different/ new things alone.
• I still "cry" when I feel lonely and when I think people are laughing at me.
• I can't really bring myself to do things that I don't feel like doing.
• I miss my family easily. (It was never the case as a teenager tho. Wonder what changed?)
• I procrastinate the difficult things on my to-do-list for the longest time.
  
• I'm easily cheered-up with little thrills like kite-flying, homemade picnic lunches, friends, and pretty things.
• And my whole day consists of either hyper activeness or extreme exhaustion as and when.

So growing up scares me.

• The idea of venturing into the world of ministry in the mission field for real scares me.
• To handle a class of foreign-speaking children alone...
• To stay for more than a day in a foreign country without the company of my usual group of friends and leaders...
• To work with people whom I've never met before or who are from a different background as I am from, who have been brought up very differently from how I've been, who have different value systems and habits...

When I think of all these things, I feel like running back to my little shell of comfort: Studying in Australia and experiencing the luxurious life of a student there. Staying here and getting a media-related job and earning lots of money. Going to a well-established church every Sunday and working with people who know and understand me. Living with my family. And of course, having all my close friends just a phone call or short drive away. The easy life.

But I know I was meant for more. And I want it. And in order to get it, I have to grow. And in order to grow, I have to take the first step and just persevere through the things I'm so afraid of, the things I'm not comfortable with. I have to get out of my comfort zone, face my fears, and REALLY literally live up to my "Send me, I will go Lord!" prayer. I know it'll be so worth it. And that's the only thing that keeps me from running away any longer.

And so tomorrow,

I'm growing up.