Identity, Discipleship, Freedom

Everyday I rush home feeling all excited because I know I have SO much I ought to blog about, but when I actually do get home and sit in front of the computer... my mind goes blank. Pfft.

So anyways, I was at OneEighty's think tank session last night. Honestly, I really don't know all the team members that well, but somehow its always a whole lotta fun whenever we meet up. We're like a total fruit salad of personalities, opinions, and what-nots lah.. and yet we find our common ground the strongest at times - the very fact that we're totally for living deliberately and believing in so much more than the naked eye sees.


The issue at hand was "Identity". What is identity and what keeps us from knowing our true identity? We tried to think from a neutral perspective as much as possible. A few lines that either left me in sudden awe or cracked me up last night were...


"I think God is really smart, when He said 'I am who I am' " - Jean


Jon: Why should we be more aware of our country's political issues?

Dexter: To score an "A" in our karangan!

(hahahhaha!!! Okay, Dex was only joking, I assure you. But it sure says something about our Malaysian government school system!!!! Gah! Kris, you'd better make it to the educational section in politics someday soon. SOMETHING has GOT to be done I say!)

The Do-er's of not tomorrow, but today. =)

Towards the end of our meeting, or rather... our opinion-throwing-spree... hehe, Crys mentioned that through all that's been said, it should sparked new inspiration for ideas to be made into great articles. Sure enough, I found myself furiously penning down all my gazillion and one thoughts quietly at my corner of the table. And now I have an exciting but crazily impossible task before me: Two articles and a near deadline to juggle along with every other deadline that's listed in my planner.

I have no complaints because I fully believe in what I'm doing these days and I couldn't ask for a more fulfilling life at this point of time. But I sometimes wonder if I did take on a tad too much to begin the year with?


Ironically, the topic for my missions course this week is "Interpersonal Relationships and Conflict Resolution" and today's last chapter was about "Problem Ownership".

Its proven that those serving in church, and missionaries in the field, struggle with this issue the most. They have difficulty determining who's problem it belongs to when faced with a clash of responsibilities and schedules. They often believe it is their duty to fulfill "ALL things for God" and thus attempt to take on the world with the "Messiah attitude", forgetting that they're NOT God and can only do so much as humans. It usually always results in a bad burn-out. Human toast! As Matt Fielder once described.

I was so relieved that the issue was addressed as a formal issue and not just something I imagined or a all-talk-no-action kinda conversational topic amongst many Christians . I am now convinced more than ever that DISCIPLESHIP and DELEGATION is key to successfully building God's Kingdom! It's selfish of a leader to do everything anyways. Doing so, is like practically robbing someone else of their opportunity to grow and develop as a person, and in their spiritual aspect as well.

Oooh.. I could be the next Dr. James Dobson. Hahahhaa.


Sigh... but anyways, at the end of the day right... there's nothing that we do that isn't worth something la. I say this because being on this missions course and listening to what is taught everyday during our classes, has caused me to realize that God has SO been working in my life throughout ALL my years in order to prepare me for this point of life and more! So much more.

We learnt that usually all negative feelings or communication derives from fear.
These are the four major forms of fear that were listed, and the first thing that came to MY mind for each:

1. Fear of failure - LOUD event @ Life College. (HA. HA. HA)

2. Fear of rejection - that stupid syndrome that I was struggling with for the longest time. PET! LYDIA! What's it called? Something something projection ah?

3. Fear of the unknown - the dawn of 2008. when my life changed completely and has never been the same ever since.

4. Fear of losing control - every failed relationship lah. So silly I tell you. I was so silly. At the expense of someone else's heart. But regret is a different topic altogether.


We were asked to identify with the fear that grabs us most. I knew that a year ago, I would have had to choose ALL four, like seriously. But as I thought through each of the four, God began to remind me of things that took place before and how He had enabled me to grow from them although most of it hurt so bad and almost crippled me from living my best for the longest time. It was all so worth it.

Today, I can finally say that I know I've been set free from the Fears # 1, 2, and 4. Its not a magical event that took place la. It happened gradually, and it still is seeing its process through. But it doesn't have a stronghold on my life any longer. and wow... that feels AMAZING!

That IS freedom in Christ! And you can have it too. =)

As for "fear" # 3... I think it will always sorta be there, paving the way for Daily Faith. =) But since everything in my life so far has been purposed by a great God (including the lousy LOUD event), I know for sure that my future is secure in His hands. Reminding myself of that daily helps to set me free from it being a "fear" but instead, an "excitment" of whats to come!



Hmm. So much for being blank when I come home and sit before the computer screen.