I am, because He is.

I'VE MOVED...

2009-08-22T10:38:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry! I've lost count of how many times I've switched blogs myself. But this should be it lah. For the rest of my life. So please re-link me. Thanks!

love you!

A Bite of Experience.

2009-08-14T11:18:00.002+08:00

HELLO!!!!!

....To anyone who is still faithfully checking this blog to see if I've really died or not.

I was gonna wait till I start a new blog. Yes again. But as we learned in Journalism 101, news isn't news if its not FRESSSHHHH. Hence, I will blog here anyway. Without pictures I warn you.

ITS MY FIRST WEEK OF UNI!!!!! Oh yes and I AM in Melbourne if any of you are wondering where I disappeared to suddenly and silently like the fox on the night of the fool moon. Don't correct that. The story of how I ended up here from where I started out is indeed a testimony of how incredibly AMAZING beyond WORDS God is! I mean, I never imagined this would happen!

But anyways. I have newer stories than that. So if you're really interested, you can always ask me and I'll fill you in another time.

Back to Uni. I'mdoingaBachelorofArtsmajoringinSociologyandyesIchangedcourseasIgraduatedwitha

DiplomainMassCommpriortocominghere. So now you know. I have four subjects this semester (they call them units here) which are:

Intro to Sociology
Intro to Philosophy
History of Ideas....and....
Intercultural Communications.

I absolutely LOVE my units! I came here with a ton of worries that I may not be smart enough for Uni or I may end up as that stereotyped little asian girl in the corner of the classroom who has no clue of what on earth goes on in class. I even thought I'd be friendless for the whole semester! But God is good to me and I'm just a silly worry wart coz this week has been fantastic!

Even though its just been a week of introduction to the topics we're gonna cover, I found that the ideas that we discuss in each of the classes are things that I have always loved daydreaming about and unfortunately was never quite appreciated by the majority of the people I was surrounded with back home. But now... wow. There exists a whole lecture hall of students around my age who crave such knowledge as well! I love the learning environment here, everyone's just really independent and sensible and really wanting to learn. Its so different from high school and college and I half wish that I just came straight to Uni after homeschooling coz it would have saved me a lot of unnecessary drama. I finally feel at home here. Like I fit in and I'm not the weird "deep/emo" one anymore coz it seems that what's considered "deep/emo" back where I come from, is completely normal over here!

The cool but slightly daunting bit is that we don't have exams in our course for this sem. So everything is an essay, a presentation, or a reflective journal. Which is heaps better coz we'd really get something outta it but that also means no crapping my way through like how I did in college. Shh. Don't tell my mom. The quality of education here is 100 times better than I've ever experienced la. Best part is, I don't feel as intimidated as I thought I would because no one judges. It is such a relief to be part of a community that lets you be you at your level and applauds you when you excel. I realize I picked up a lot of negative and judgmental habits from the learning environment back home that I have to quit if I'm ever going to experience new things.

Yes I still have my "lah's" even though I make the effort to form my sentences properly over here. I've gotten comments like,"wow you're English is pretty good!" and I'm like,"Uh.. coz its the only language I've ever known to speak?"

Today in the Intercultural Comm tute, we had everyone take turns to tell the class a bit about their ethnic background and experience with diverse culture. It was so interesting really. We had a girl from Denmark who grew up in the U.S, a girl who's parents were directly from China but moved to Malaysia and made her in Australia. Haha. Another girl lived in Australia her whole life but takes frequent trips to see her mom who lives in Istanbul. And another girl who's from Japan. And then there's Christina Soh and I who are both from Malaysia but even then we're different because I hardly know much about the Chinese culture and my mom is Singaporean Chindian which also contributes to the fact that we were brought up to speak proper English (as proper as my mom could insist on. hahaha) and we eat more Indian food than Chinese food because dad's always away traveling and he's the only real 'Chinaman' in our family.

I have never said so much about my family's cultural background before! I think coming from a country like Malaysia that's so diverse in culture, we just take these things forgranted sometimes and don't think much about it till we're actually asked for an explanation. I also realized we're real special being Malaysians for that same reason because it really is so much easier to adapt to all sorts of other cultures around us. I pulled out a few experiences from my trips to Indonesia and Thailand for story-telling-sake, but truth be told, I really did feel quite at home when I was there. Very much like how I do over here. (Echoing the promo video of The Plan '09 conference that's on next month in Melaka... "Malaysians DO make GREAT missionaries!!!" Our upbringing is cross-cultural training itself and I really suggest that we think good and hard about such a "coincidence" and the reason for it. Hmm?)

I live in a little suburb called Hawthorn which is little but bustling with activity because its only 15 minutes away from the city. Hawthorn is perfect. All the shops are stretched along one main road, that's Glenferrie Road and is only 15 minutes-walk from my house. That includes the train station, the bank, the cafe's, the grocers, the post office, the boutiques, the library and bookshops, all sorts. My Uni is just a 10-minute walk from my house so I come home frequently between classes to cook lunch for myself and sometimes for a friend if I make one that day. =)

I've been here for a month already and its been good although I did have to get used to the slight change of lifestyle here though. Lots of walking, toughing out the cold weather, hand-carrying heavy groceries home myself, relying on public transport. Stuff like that. The public transport system here is SO impressive. So no complaints. Just that its a little sad knowing I won't get to drive for 2 and a half years.

Okay. I have to go. Class is in 25 minutes and I don't wanna run there with a stomach full of meatballs. The weather is lovely today and its calling out for a good stroll. I will story you on church and other things when I next decide to blog. Whenever that will be.

Happy Friday and don't throw food at people. It's rude.

CAMPORAMA 2009!!!!!

2009-06-10T04:29:00.000+08:00

3 hours to bus departure at 8:00am...

Yes. We still look fabulous in our RR skins...

AND WE'RE TOTALLY PSYCHED!!!!!

Once a Ranger, always a Ranger baby!!!

5 days of FUN, SUN, and Chappati...*say it with an Indian accent*

.... HERE WE COME!!!

WAAAAAAAHHHHHHooooooooOOOOOOooo!!!!!

growing pains.

2009-06-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

I feel like I just did the stupidest thing in my entire life.

Really. Nothing beats this one.

I really cannot think of any sane person who would choose to give away what they finally have after wanting it for SO long.

Only insane people do that la.

What is wrong with me?

I just want to cry la. Cry it all away.

But as always, tears are so pointless.

Talking to people is so pointless.

I am sick of hearing opinions.

I valued them. But I've really had enough.

It's true.

The right decisions are ALWAYS the TOUGHEST to make.

and living by honesty in a dishonest world is very hard.

You can never take back your words. You have to live by it once it is said.

That's what growing up means. Making decisions for yourself and sticking to it.

I'm finally growing up.

and it hurts.

In The Making...

2009-06-06T00:09:00.000+08:00

Proverbs 31:25-26 & 29

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teachings of kindness

is on her tongue.

Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.

Awholebundleofthoughts.

2009-06-03T23:20:00.000+08:00

And thus I make it my ambition to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else's foundation, but as it is written...

Those who have never been told of Him will see,

and those who have never heard, will understand.

Romans 15:20-21

I ask myself, why are we not having the same ambition as the apostle Paul had when he made that statement? There is a verse elsewhere in the bible that says (something along the lines of) it is easy to love those who love you, so what good is that? But it is when you love those who hate you, then you can say you have truly loved. In the same manner, I often ask myself, how much am I really doing to make Him known? How much of a blessing am I REALLY being to the people around me? Who are the poor and NEEDy, and if they're not where I am, what on earth am I still doing here?

Today I thought of our favorite "naan man" (I can't even remember if he was Pakistani, Bangladeshi, or Sri Lankan) who has watched my siblings and I grow up because we ate at wherever he worked for the past 7 plus years. The last I remember of him was when dad asked if any of his family members were affected by the Tsunami. Where is he now? Who will tell him that Jesus loves him?

Then there's our favorite Uncle Frankie who sells Chee Chong Fun at the hawker stall behind my house. He too, has watched the three of us grow up. Sam has been his regular customer since he was age seven, and still is. (Sam is 17 this year). The closest we ever got to talking to him was to find out his name, small talk about his trip to China to visit his son, and of how good Sam's UPSR results were. (He gave Sam a free meal that day for his 4A's) Zoe once wrote an article about him for the One Eighty magazine, telling of how people like him make her smile, of how much a blessing he is even though just he may play just a small part of her life. But what about him? What have we blessed him with in return? Why haven't we told him of a life fulfilled in Christ?

They are only two out of the many people whom we have been given chances of numerous encounters with.

I remember growing up as a teenage homeschooler during the days of the youth rally hype, I never had any "non-believer" friends to invite for events like those, and I envied those who did. Funny thing is, those who did, never did invite them! I could never understand, till one day I myself became part of that world. The world where you're surrounded by SO MUCH NEED... but yet we choose to remain in our comfort zones, oblivious to the need around us. Life is just right, just nice, and sometimes a challenge in personal matters, all in our own little world that exists in our own little minds.

But I have tried. And sometimes it comes to a point where, I don't know what else can be done. Maybe that's how most of us are feeling at least. Despair and discouragement causes us to shut up. Fear grips us from inside, keeping us in this illusion that its OKAY to live a mediocre "unfreakishly religious" life as long as we pay our tithes, go for a mission trip or two per year, donate to charity, attend service every Sunday, and write encouraging cards to our already-Christian friends.

I do not ask that we live religiously. In fact I long for the exact opposite. I desire to live a life that is SO MUCH MORE than all I listed above. (It isn't bad. It's just lacking) I believe many of us have been unaware of who we truly are as sons and daughters of The King. Like John Bevere says, there is power within every one of God's people, it has just been left lying dormant inside us. And we need to stir it up! Stir up that power to live beyond the natural! (WE need to STIR it up = US taking ACTION. Our part to play in the "hand clapping" with God - It takes two hands to clap theory)

It makes sense more and more now, that saying I heard recently...

"We say that we place God first in our lives. But really, who are we to even give God a number? Whether its "1st" or "2nd"? Who are we to have control over the hierarchy of priority in our lives? Does that not mean that we are still holding on to our lives? Still remaining in the final position of authority of our lives? What happened to fully surrendering to God? It isn't about making God first on the list of life's priorities, its about recognizing that He IS the very centre of our being. Where we, and everything within and around us, revolve around Him."

True life in Christ is no bento box of deeds. True life in Christ is the very reason for our being, our existence, our function. And the bible says, we were created to worship Him. Worship through living. Worship through breathing. Worship through our friendships. Worship through our thoughts. Worship through our decisions. Worship through our family relationships. Worship through our role in the workplace. Worship through our circumstances. Worship through our sorrows and joys. Worship through our dreams, desires, and ambitions. Worship through life.

"God in my living, God in my breathing

God in my watching, God in my waiting

God in my laughing, there with me dancing

God in my hoping, God in my weeping...

Christ in me, the hope of glory

Be my everything..."

- Tim Hughes, Everything.

Back to the subject of living MORE. Of being relevant to the world in need around me. The world in need around us...

Today, while catching up with Ps. Kenneth and Sandra Chin of Asian Youth Ambassadors, they were telling me what the "Revo tour" is all about and the focus of their school/ uni ministries. Kenneth mentioned that many times, young people have so much to share with those around them, so much to offer to the world what Christ has placed within their hearts... but we're often lost as to how to go about it, what to do exactly. Its courage that we lack. Its enCOURAGEment that we need. And that's what they're passionate about giving.

For a split second, I was tempted to be part of that too. But the very reason why I was there chatting with them was because I had already gotten myself involved with too many things... some even outside of my scope. (But its a new learning experience! So no matter. =)

I know I lack courage. Heck, I can't even complete a sentence telling of my faith to some of my own already-Christian peers without stammering just coz I fear their resistance to the difference in our beliefs! (yes, it is always remarkably astounding to find that two people who claim to have the same faith, somehow cannot agree on the same principles of life)

I know I lack courage and I know I am tired of being this way. I am tired of trying to mask my passion for Christ. I am tired of trying to reconstruct my sentences in such a way where people won't think I'm some religious nut. (which I'm not, if you actually think about it. Christians aren't supposed to be in the business of being religious) I am tired of trying to hide the fact that I DON'T fit in with a lot of society's norms. I am tired of trying to be someone whom I'm not.

And so my prayer continues to be, more than ever before, that God would give me courage. More than that actually. My prayer is that God would enable me to walk, march, run, dance, LIVE in a life of victory because of who HE is IN me. I know He is always speaking, and so I told Him I want to be able to recognize His voice.

A lot of things have actually been put in place already. You can't hide from the truth. It is there whether you like it or not. And by recognizing it, and believing in it, will you then be set free. I know that just as we were created to worship Him, that being our function means that when we just simply truly fully live worshipping Him, our lives will be SO fulfilled, so full of Him... that everything else comes naturally. When we recognize and come to KNOW the face of our God, the truth of His very being - Love, goodness, mercy... living in that knowledge is what enables us to be fully who we were created to be - naturally making us relevant to the world in need around us.

That prayer is my heart's cry not just for myself, but for my generation. My peers, my church, my nation, my world... and you. And I know He hears me, and IS answering it even now. I want more. I need more. We all need more of Him.

Heartset Willpower.

2009-06-02T22:20:00.001+08:00

You can't eat meat that hasn't been cooked, no matter how hungry you are. It just won't be good for you.

You can't celebrate your graduation in a gown, when you're not even halfway through uni, it won't mean anything.

You can't climb Mt. Kinabalu, without months of training to build stamina, you'll suffer half way.

You can't do a lot of things NOW if you're not ready, if the time isn't right, because doing it anyway will result badly. It'll ruin you, and the people around you.

And I don't want a ruined future. I want the future that I was born for. The one that's been orchestrated by God alone, with hope, with prosperity, and fruitfulness. The kind that is made simply irreplaceably beautiful in His Time. Not mine. I want to be fully ready to embrace it in confidence and with open arms it when it comes.

It's the journey that determines the value of the destination. It's the journey that matters.

And I will do everything I can to obtain that future and claim it as mine, no matter how tough it is. Even if I have to... just. wait.

I WILL wait.

Patiently, actively, and with fullness of life.

Yes, anything is possible if you put your mind and heart to it.

2009-05-31T22:04:00.000+08:00

"Your dream has to be bigger than you so that God can get involved"

- Matthew Dass on Gchat.

Today, I am thankful for a lot of things.

1. Kids Church was one of the most productive I've ever been part of. It's probably the first time I've seen Carol and the twins SO interested in our bible study and have so much to share. It's also probably the first time I've ever had real TIME to talk to them and find out that's why. We prayed before church started. Melly, Joshie, Zoe, Rae, and I. And I know God heard every word. =)

2. One of my closest girlfriends just got officially attached!!! (I dare not mention names yet. Give her the chance to tell the world herself first. =) I've had the honor of walking through this journey with her and this really marks God's immense faithfulness and love. All the waiting, praying, heart-guarding... it was SO worth it and I am SO thrilled to see what God does through their relationship for His glory. Oh how I just LOVE God-written love stories!

3. God-written love stories. =) Although I don't know the future, I know He began to write mine even before I was aware. And the peace and assurance I have now, is truly because of Him. I know He's preparing me for when that day comes... and I know He's preparing him too. Meanwhile, there is SO much I have to offer to the world around me before having any such commitments. I'm that friend, that sister, that daughter, that teacher... and when the time is right, I'll be all that as well as being ... that wife. (The Proverbs 12:4a kind =)

4. Last year, although fearful as ever, I took a step of faith and began verbally claiming my $5500 to fulfill my YWAM dream. Well, God gave me MORE than that and MORE than that dream. Instead,

I went for the coolest Cross-Cultural Missions School and spent three life-changing months with the most awesome people ever!
I got involved with a new and rising youth prayer movement that's leading up to a phenomenal National Youth Missions Conference that will birth a fantastic-beyond-my-wildest-dreams Malaysian Youth Missions Movement!
I got to go for an AMAZING totally God-filled-three-week holiday in Melbourne and encountered His glory first hand before, during, and even after the Planet Shakers Conference!
In a few days time, I will get to go for the COOLEST National Royal Rangers event of the past FIVE years and CCKL's very FIRST youth camp!
In less than two months time, I will be making history by flying off to Melbourne to do my 2.5 year degree! Something which I never thought would happen.

5. And this year, although the state of the world may seem otherwise, I am taking another NEW step of faith and claiming that during my life in Melbourne, I WILL get a GREAT job, I WILL make WONDERFUL friends, I WILL serve my church and community with excellence, I WILL score distinctions in my studies, and I WILL live beyond my biggest dreams because of who my God is.

Yes, today I have a lot to be thankful for.

And tomorrow will be another day with more.

The Adventures of Dad.

2009-05-29T13:54:00.000+08:00

If I were a kid, I'd probably bring my dad to school for Show & Tell. But since I'm not and there's prolly no such thing as Show & Tell in Uni... I'll blog!

So this is my dad (and my mom)

Just about a month ago, he was being chased by a lion in the plains of South Africa. I kid you not! He was in a car la, so that explains why he lived to tell the story. It was quite funny actually. *picture a chinese man and a bunch of tourists quickly winding up the window in sheer panic as the lion approaches them no less than an arms length away, proceeding to pounce. It was like,"Go Go Go!!!! Drive!!!!" and the ladies were all screaming in the background. AHAHAHAHAHHHA!!!!

And right now... he is currently somewhere in the land of China attempting to conquer...

THIS

There are no safety harnesses/ belts/ etc. Just your two good hands to hold on for dear life, and the promise of a free meal if you make it to the restaurant at the top of the mountain. Hahaha... talk about adventure!

My Honest Reality

2009-05-28T02:13:00.000+08:00

It is so easy for me right now, to look at Melbourne as my escape route to all life's current problems. I've been cleaning out my room in preparation for the big move, and I've never felt so detached from my things as I do now. It's just amazing at how easy it is to just throw things away knowing that in 2 and a half years time, none of this will mean anything to me anymore. Almost every item that was once sentimental, now has seemingly lost its value. The only things I want to keep close to my heart are growing relationships, not materialistic items that represent dead ones.

I feel this sudden "unattachment" because I know Melbourne is a new chapter in my life. It will be like a new beginning to everything I know. And I just wanna go there with an open heart. Meanwhile, because I'm so prepared to experience a totally different life there, it makes me almost wanna just run there and not deal with the problems I have right now. As if problems would stay in M'sia and not come with me. But I know I can't do that because the reality is, they won't.

I could be in a completely different country, living a different life schedule, and yet still struggle with the same insecurities that lead to the same decisions which form the very same lifestyle I've been growing in for the past 21 years and counting! Sick. And if there's one major thing I've learnt in the past two years... its NOT to live in denial of reality. That just slows the healing and growth process down. In the end, its myself whom I deprive of a God-intended life.

So, in the light of not living in denial of reality... here I stand, flawed and broken like anything and in complete need of help - of whom I know only One can offer. I certainly am on a journey right now. It keeps getting more intense as it goes. I feel like I'm discovering more. More about myself, more about God. And I am determined to keep searching and questioning till I find what my heart was created for.

The Eleventh Hour

2009-05-19T02:20:00.000+08:00

Trace the shape of my heart
Till it becomes more familiar
To your eyes
I've been lost without you
Cold without your love
It's taken days and nights
To make me realize

[chorus]
Rescue me from hanging on this line
I won't give up on giving you
The chance to blow my mind
Let the eleventh hour quickly
Pass me by
I'll find you when I think
I'm out of time

[verse]
Take the place of my heart
Till I become a stranger to my life
I've been down without you
Wrong without your love
In time will I be what
You're thinking of?

- Jars Of Clay-

Oh the Irony!

2009-05-19T02:05:00.000+08:00

[Just today, exactly a week after enrolling at Swinburne University... Deakin University replies me with an offer letter. My Gchat tagline says: Stoopid Deakin. NOW ONLY REPLY! And Melly responds…]

melodyteo91: haha they just replied?

me: yeah

I don't know how to feel really.

haha.

melodyteo91: haha about? leaving?

me: no. about the fact that I chose Swinburne, when now there's actually another option.

but I’ve registered and paid already so now I’m committed to Swinburne. hehe

melodyteo91: owhhhh... yikes

oh well, Swinburne is good too right?

me: yeah =) I’m sure it is

melodyteo91: hehe then okay! Don’t bother bout Deakin lah

me: haha yeah. good point. lol.

Much earlier today, SJ and I were having a conversation about trusting God for big things in life. She quoted Romans 8:28 - "All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Meaning, there is no second best when it comes to God's plans for you. There is no dead end after screwing up or failing to make the "right" choice. Because of God's redeeming grace, His plans for your life are always good. My internal debate is whether... even after making a certain decision that could have been ANOTHER one... God does turn it for good yes, but does that still mean it was the BEST choice? Or has it been demoted to second best now? Does that make it the back up plan for The Original Plan that didn't happen because of one wrong choice on my part?

Freewill. I'm not sure if it’s a good thing sometimes. Even if it was, I don't think we were created to handle it very well somehow. Yes, in this life, we totally need God. His guidance, His wisdom, His grace.

But I remember a friend of mine once blogged, "No one understands me... and I can't hear the only Person who can." And sometimes, on days like these… I can totally identify with that.

Why is my faith being tested NOW of ALL times???

I told God just now. I wanna SEE Your hand upon my life. Not just KNOW that it is. I wanna HEAR Your voice. Not just KNOW that You are always speaking. I want more. And I'm NOT satisfied with what I have. The timid faith. I want more. And I definitely want THE BEST! Not just for me, but I believe everyone deserves the best really. The best choice for them.

I guess there will always be something that looks better... there will always be a reason to compare and think, "Did I really make the right choice?" But maybe it is in THOSE times exactly, that we're to realize that we DID make A choice... and like Melly says, "But this choice is good too right?" .... "Then okay! Don't bother about all the other choices already lah!"

(Haha. Life is so simple when you're young. Or maybe life is so simple. period.)

And she DOES have a point. It got me thinking. Maybe there's no such thing as waiting for The Best to drop on your lap. Maybe its just about YOU playing your part in the hand clapping with God (It takes two hands to clap) for your life, by using the freewill He gave, and MAKE a choice... (because NOT making a choice, is actually making one already)

and MAKE that choice ... THE VERY BEST!

SJ also pointed out that if Jonah (in the bible) didn't disobey God, he'd have no whale experience, and probably wouldn't even be in the bible. No extraordinary story. (I'm NOT implying that you should go ahead and deliberately disobey God just to see how good a back-up plan He can come up with for you. Do NOT do that! Haha.)

Sigh. Since when did I strive so hard for perfection? Okay fine, I always have actually. In spite of knowing that there is no such thing as perfect as long as you're living in this world. And just a few blogposts back, I had typed... "I don't want perfect...". Sigh. I really am such a walking contradiction. Yes fine, a 'lalang' if you wanna put it that way. And I don't like it! I want out!

I wanna LIVE!

On Second Thoughts...

2009-05-18T01:49:00.000+08:00

Scrape the previous blog post. Well ok, not totally scrape it. But scrape all that self-centeredness and small-mindedness like as if everything in the world revolved around me and my life and like its ever-changing situations are all that matters. It doesn't. There's SO MUCH MORE to be concerned about!

I complicate things too much. After spending almost an hour on the phone with a friend, it dawned upon me that nothing has changed really. That even before I embarked on this new season of life (or the transition between seasons), the prayer that I had said then, is still relevant to now.

"God, if this is Your will. Make it happen. If its not... well, You know what to do."

And it shouldn't matter that so much has happened between then and now, and whether or not it was worth my time and effort should the outcome be ideal or not...

... my life is not my own anyway. It never was. It's His. So there.

"Have You way Lord. =) Do as You please because I know Your ways are the best!"

yay. can sleep in peace now. hehehe.

I'm ALL Yours!

2009-05-17T23:22:00.000+08:00

It seems like just yesterday,

that I walked into CCKL's service a good 15 minutes late, wearing only my slippers, faded jeans, and an over-stretched Rangers T-shirt. No make up. People asked if I had just woken up from an afternoon nap, but it was far from that. I remember feeling frustrated in those early days of my Life-Changing-year, upset that I had to let go of the past (hence still stubbornly wearing my RR shirt to service and wasn't bothered to dress up because that Sunday I didn't even wanna be there) and embrace something new. And at the same time, I knew I needed it so badly. It was so hard.

I don't even remember what was spoken during the sermon for that day. All I remember was how I felt during the service and then during the altar call. I had never felt so helpless in my life! I remember standing there, feeling SO transparent before God as He looked right into my broken and tired heart. Tears were streaming down my face (I've never liked crying. Much less crying IN PUBLIC!) and all I could think of was "God, I need You to rescue me". And He did! He rescued me right there and then. And again the week after, and the month after, and over and over and over again.

But that was 2008.

Today,

at CCKL's service, I stood in the same row like I did more than a year ago. Worship was thundering around me, yet I struggled to keep my FULL focus on just wanting God. Not merely saying I want Him with words. Not by trying to conjure up emotions. But a real desperation for Him... much like the state I was in back then. I wondered what happened to that desperation? Shutting my eyes tightly and singing at the top of my lungs wasn't working either.

I figured I'm at a different level where I'm at right now with Him. A level where I am sure of where I stand in His heart (right in the centre baby!) and whereby He has healed mine. And I figured, that should not (and does not) make me any less desperate for Him. In fact, I probably need Him even more now that I've started this journey (if there's such a thing as needing Him more than before). Really, everything about me now feels like I've been building up to reach this point and now its time. Everything I have gone through before has prepared me for this moment where I'm stepping off the edge - not knowing what comes next really! It's as if God brought me through ALL those years... just so I could make it to this point to choose to jump and fall into His arms of love again. In a deeper and totally supernatural yet REALISTIC way. (Am I making any sense?)

I am walking into a new chapter of my life now. It's another major transition stage. The greatest yet maybe. The last thing I need right now is for my heart to shut itself up again in fear of the unknown. In fear of being real. I can't afford to let this fizzle out. This passion. This openness to change. This desire and hunger for MORE of Him. And that means, whatever comes with that. And I am really trying not to give in to my past self (way of dealing with things) even though every carnal bit of me is screaming, "YOU NEED A BACK UP PLAN SARAH!!!"

And in reply to that, every God-changed part of me is firmly saying, "Shut up Doubt. Shut up Fear. Shut up Insecurity. You have no right in me. Be gone in Jesus' Name."

Haih. People are gonna think I'm schizophrenic.

Anyways, in light of all of the above. I love this song... =)

"... Can we just wait out the weather?
I could stay right here forever
Got to get myself together
Real life is on the way
Call it my foregone conclusion
I'll always welcome Your intrusion
You're the master of my choosing
I'm all Yours

[Chorus]
Cause I'm letting go of everything I am
And I'm holding on to everything You are
I'm letting go of everything I once was
I'm all in, I'm all in
I'm fallin' into Your arms again

This time I'm so for real
It's time I sealed the deal
Shut down my lame appeals
I'm letting go

I'll throw caution to the sky
Kiss all my fears goodbye
This time its do or die
I'm letting go..."

- All In, Toby Mac-

One Conference '09, Melbourne

2009-05-17T01:06:00.000+08:00

"Take me deeper than I've been before

Take me further God I long for more

Take me higher than I've been before

Jesus I want more,

Jesus I need more...

More of You,

More of You Jesus

More of You,

I need more of You..."

"Come like a flood and saturate me now

You're all I want

Come like the wind and sweep throughout this place

You're all we want.."

"You are my God, the Great I Am

You are the rock, on which I stand

And you reign, You reign O Lord

You reign, yes You reign!"

Its been almost three weeks since I got back from Melbourne.

I still wake up with these songs playing in my head every morning.

It's so real, like it just happened yesterday, like its happening right now

and I woke up in the wrong country or something.

I miss Conference. =(

*Can't believe those two got hold of the album before everyone else did and I have to wait! Gah!

A Nugget to Begin With

2009-05-15T07:36:00.001+08:00

There are many things I was born for, I realize. And one of them is that I was born to write. I woke up this morning convinced of that. Writing really does make me feel alive. For that reason, I'm making a promise. A simple promise to write, whenever I feel like writing! No more excuses. No such thing as too busy, or scared, or whatever.

This was an exercise we did for the last One Eighty skills training session. Since I do like it, and it was meant for the blog anyway... here it is. A little nugget to begin with... =)

"Kristy once told me that people have a need to be enchanted.

I was thinking about what she said when I noticed the sky had turned a peculiar shade of blue. The air around me was strangely still. I looked up. Not a cloud in the sky nor bird in flight. Just the ever-present sunlight around me, glowing lazily. It made me feel slightly uneasy, slightly expectant... like something magical ought to take place next. I shook my head and smiled to myself.

Yes indeed, we do have a need to be enchanted."

The Confession.

2009-05-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

I am in love.

Yes. You read that right.

I am madly in love... and I have always been.

I just never wanted to admit it. Or rather, I was afraid of what people would think.

I was afraid to bare my heart. Afraid to embrace the unknown.

But I have decided, if I'm really gonna live to face my fears, I want to start with this one.

You misunderstand already.

Because it's not about a person. Neither is it about an idea.

It's about reality. It's about who I really am inside.

The very essence of what keeps this heart beating.

It's about what keeps me alive.

Very. Much. Alive.

It's about time I started writing.

It's about time I started living deliberately.

And... thank you ... for helping me realize that.

Today's Revelations.

2009-05-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

I realized today...

That I have grown so much in the past few years.

I've become a different person, more and more like the person I've always wanted to be.

Not someone I looked up to, not becoming exactly like her, but becoming more like me.

Becoming who God created me to be.

It's evident in the way I see things and understand things. The way I treat people and relate to them. The way I make my decisions and choices in life. The way I feel about my circumstances and environment. The way I respond to change around me. Its.... its become easier. So much easier than before. And I really like it! I really am loving it.

Maybe this is what security in Christ is. This is what it feels like.

And strangely (thankfully) at the same time, I was also reminded of how much I still do not know. I was shown how much I have yet to grow. How much I am still young and naive in a way. Still learning along the way. Still picking up from little mistakes along the way. Still so much on a journey. And yes I believe my journey was created to bless the journey's of others around me as well. It's not all about me. It never was.

And of course its a journey! That's exactly what it is. A journey - in this life here on earth. It began the day I was born. And it won't end till the day I meet my God face to face.

Yeah. That day. Its true... the journey makes the destination worthwhile. It really does. In a big God-scale way. and also in many ways in my life right now. Its all worth the wait. And its not a passive wait. Its a wait that's active. Because in that wait, we're allowing Him to make all things beautiful in His time. The more we wait on God, the more beautiful the outcome becomes. =)

Like this church building that we're all fasting and praying for.

Not just the building, but the whole future of CCKL.

And that's just one example of a big wait right now.

I also realized today that I like hearing the prayers of others.

I like listening when people are talking to God.

I like listening to what they say and how they say it.

There's always something so special that takes place whenever any of God's children communicate with Him. I absolutely love it! =)

The Seblings are praying together in their hall outside now. And perhaps I should join them.

But its nice to just sit back and listen sometimes.

And besides, I badly need a shower. Heh.

Going!

Honestly,

2009-05-09T02:31:00.000+08:00

I don't want mediocre.

I don't want safe.

I don't want perfect

and I don't want what everyone else has.

I want extraordinary.

I want an adventure.

I want our own story

written by God from beginning to end.

I want to place all my trust in God with this,

every day of my life.

No matter how scared I am of the unknown,

I don't wanna hold back,

and I don't wanna settle for anything less.

I want to leap out in faith,

and keep running, never looking back,

because I know I can trust Him with my heart,

I know He always gives His best.

Yes, I want to LIVE.

I just really want to live.

Give me Your Eyes

2009-05-09T01:59:00.000+08:00

Look down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touch down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work, he's buying time
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared

[Chorus]

I've been here a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well, I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way You've seen the people all along

- Brandon Heath -

Terence and Debbie

2009-05-06T23:44:00.000+08:00

... still my favouritest couple ever! =)

Can't believe its only been a year since they got married. I feel like its been forever.

One thing that hasn't changed though, I'm still gonna publicize them! Haha... How sweet is that la!

I am missing you both. Catch up soon!

Be The Center

2009-05-05T15:13:00.000+08:00

*hehe, it was Saturn, Jean. Not Jupiter. =)

Jesus, be the centre

Be my source, be my light

Jesus, be the centre

Be my hope, be my song,

Jesus.

Be the fire in my heart

Be the wind in these sails

Be the reason that I live,

Jesus.

Jesus, be my vision

Be my path, be my guide,

Jesus.

-Be The Center, Shout to the Lord Kids-

Different now.

2009-05-05T01:24:00.000+08:00

I'm back from my three weeks of a honeymoon-like haze in Australia. Actually, it wasn't a haze, it was very real. It was totally God. He makes me dizzy with love. Really, I am undeserving of it. Yet His grace, mercy, and faithfulness is freely given. I'd really like to do a blogpost about the reality of my time there if I could, but I'm back here and I have no time. But yeah, if I had to sum up those three weeks' worth of experience in one word, it would be

UNDESERVING.

So I'm home. And God is indeed very good!

Jean says she likes how I talk about God, in a very real and unpretentious way. I realize I like that too. The fact that I can talk about Him like that because that IS how He is to me. Knowing God is a wonderful privilege I feel. It is an honor to be thought of by the God of all things, to be romanced by the King of Kings, and to serve the Creator of the Universe.

I used to pray that my identity be revealed in Him, that He would show me who I am in Him. But my prayer has changed over the past year, instead I now ask that He be revealed in me. And I love it every time that happens. I love it every time He reveals a little bit more of Himself in my situations. In every thing around and in me, its all about Him. I'm glad I was created for a purpose so much greater than myself. Beyond me. It gives me something to live for.

I'm learning more than ever now to just be who He's created me to be. To be who I am through Him. To stick to my convictions, to believe in the God who lives in me because He does. To trust Him IN me. I'm tired of looking to others for approval. I'm tired of doing things the way someone ELSE would. I'm tired of doing things the way someone ELSE would like me to do it. I'm tired of trying to handle situations like someone else. I want to handle my life the way I would, the way God would want me to. Handle my life the way Sarah Lim would, not the way someone else would handle my life.

Yeah, that also means not being afraid to make mistakes because it means doing things for the first time. Doing things no one else has done before. It means throwing the rule book away and diving into the adventure. It means having discernment along the way at every moment because I am responsible for my own actions. I am responsible for what advice I choose to take and what advice I choose to leave. I'm responsible. Its part of growing up. And I can. I am!

I'm gonna allow my God-journey to take off like never before! No restrictions baby! Not even from myself.

I have two and a half months left here on Malaysian soil. And then I'm off to begin a new chapter of my life. A chapter that I have waited for my whole life! (Second to getting married) And so I plan to make the most of every moment count, even this one. And when it is time, I'm gonna embrace the open doors of change. Arms wide and heart open.

God knows I need it. Its about time...

Day 4

2009-04-13T06:03:00.000+08:00

Aiya I'm so lazy to blog edi. But anyways, we went to Byron beach for a day. And I got to go to the lighthouse! But not inside though. Hafta pay 8 bucks. So near yet so far. pfft.

I think it'd be real cool to have a wedding here. (Don't steal my idea ha!) Its so significant too. City on a hill kinda thing, amidst that crashing waves and a beautiful sunset! But one thing, the wind will surely blow all my decor away. I must come up with a plan to take care of that problem. Hmm...

One thing I love doing most, is worshipping God in nature. No not like worshipping the trees or anything. But I mean just driving around and smelling the foresty smell and looking at the beautiful green trees and thinking, "Wow God, You're amazing! I praise You for Your creativity, Your beauty, and Your love to me for giving me the privilege to enjoy it all!" It also helps when there's a nice worship cd playing through your speakers throughout the drive. My heart feels like its dancing in times like these.

Someday my photos will be on walls of quaint cafe's and on postcards worldwide. =) I hope. Heh.

Byron is a hippie town! Hence the shops that sell cool ethnic looking stuff like these. (Which I can get for half the price in Bali/ Thailand. Haha. Oh I love travelling la! Next destination - Philippines!)

Another thing I love about Australia, esp Queensland... No two shops look alike. Each shop has its own individuality and design. Same goes for houses, making the little towns here have so much character and personality! Its lovely.

I have been having crazy kebab cravings for a month (mostly from studying the Arab culture during my course... Mmm... lamb and lebanese bread!) and this beats Kebab King in 1 Utama, PJ ANYTIME!!! In fact Kebab King is crap la. The Kebabs here are a smashing mouthful of savory goodness I tell you! Hugest ever in my life! *chomp chomp*

I forgot to wear my swimmers on that day. =( So no lying on the grass for suntan for me.

I missed the Bus Co. boys when I saw these guys. How nice to have a performance like this, in the open, fresh air and nice sunshine with no smoke and blaring lights but with a huge crowd of support (of hot lookin people too mind you. Not cina-fans and rempits) and good music! Yeah it was some rock band la.

Every time I see a vespa, it reminds me of Nick Chong. I think I will start a collection of Vespa photos la. Got a blue one in Thailand two months back. And yes, that dog is real.

Tea party, anyone? =) *pinky up!* haha.

I'm so in love with the weather here la. How green is that grass?? and how blue is that sky?? Amazing!

Tiffy and I made Kristy's Famous Carrot Cake that night (Kris, I think your cake is branded with your name edi la. You've got fans in CCKL as well. Haha) and had lots of fun shiok sendiri-ing with the sparklers even though it was nobody's birthday.

"See Ari, this is what your mommy is up to after you go to bed. Playing with fire. Haha"

Baked just in time for dessert and a cuppa. Yum =)

Day 3

2009-04-13T05:29:00.000+08:00

Monday! Tiffy took the day off classes so we could hang out. We made chicken pie! And it was really YUM considering its both out first time's trying it out. Nicer than the shop one k!

That's her in her homey kitchen! Such a mom. Next time I will be like that also.

This is the view we get from the kitchen. We have dinner out there on the front deck, and the pool is after that. The glass doors are usually kept open for the fresh breeze to ventilate the house. It really is a lovely home. Nice comfy homey feel about it with happy people inside. =D

We were supposed to go to Springbrook that day and explore the waterfalls but the weather around the hinterlands was rainy and ify'. So we headed to another beach just for a looksie.

I tell you I just love trees la. I wanna be a monkey!!! (ok I was kidding)

The waves here are great! But lousy la I come during Autumn... the weather playing with my hopes. Surfers here are hot as! Dudes and chicks. And I finally figured out why caucasians around the beach have such a nice skin tone and complexion! Effects of the warm sun and saltwater almost everyday of their lives! Man... yet another benefit to this sunny coast lifestyle.

Its beautiful la. I just fail to capture it well on camera. =S And it feels GREAT to stand on a highland and look out to sea with the wind blowing rushing all around you and the echoes of the crashing waves surrounding your whole being. Simply amazing!

We picked Ari up from daycare later that evening and Tiffy helped her set up her train set.

I was too lazy la.
She's such a darlink lah! Makes you wanna squeal,"Aiyooooo!!!! Kiutnye!!!!" everytime she looks at you. Eek!

Day 1 & 2

2009-04-13T04:59:00.000+08:00

Staying at Tiffy's was real nice because I got to be a part of their family for awhile. Life is simple here, esp for me since I'm on holiday! Since all the shops close by 5pm, Queenslanders usually go home to spend the rest of the night with their families (instead of mamaking or clubbing all night like Msians do).

I can safely say that almost every house here has a BBQ grill set that whips up a yummy savory dinner like this one in minutes!

Mmmm... Steak!

Btw, that's Tiffy right there in blue, her dad beside her, Mark her partner on the other side, and her daughter little Arianna next to him. Lovely family really.

This was the cheese and bread I mentioned in the last blogpost. Yum!

Check out their pool! Mark's pride and joy. Hehe. It takes up all of the front yard.

We headed for a picnic lunch on the beach the next morning like how Tiffy usually does on a Sunday morning if Mark's on Surf Lifesaving duty.

Strawberries here are SO friggin cheap and HUGE and JUICY!!!

Ari is amazing. She's totally lovable and super energetic! Always running about, can't sit still, full of questions about life and her own theories about the world. Its hillarious. And she just LOOOOOVES posing for the camera. Hahhaa...

Later while Tiff was at work, I headed to Pacific Fair nearby by myself. This is how shops around here look like. Not everything is packed in one huge mall. They're just the same mall-type of shops but aligned nicely along outdoor cobbled streets like this. So you get the fresh air and healthy sunshine while you shop. =) I love it.

Oh and you know what? I had my FIRST Krispy Kreme. Seriously guys, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL???? After hearing SO much about it, I bought myself one and bit into it slowly... really expecting something magical to take place in my mouth. But nope. Nothing. Its just an ordinary doughnut.

Maybe coz I don't fancy doughnuts.

I bought boots! Shopping here is so amazing because you can sometimes get really good cheap deals, a wide and wonderful variety, and most importantly.... EVERYTHING's MY SIZE!!!! Woohooo!!! I could SO live here.

The kitchen was mine that night since Tiff was working till late. I cooked a yummy stir-fry chinese meal! I love cooking at home for people la. I love the whole homey feel. I can't wait to have my own family and organize and keep a home and feed kids good food and just... oh.. the whole works! Haha. Yum!

Girl in Gold Coast

2009-04-05T13:45:00.000+08:00

That's me! and shucks. I forgot to bring out my card reader with me so I can't upload pics from the camera. Nvm, tmr. Starbucks is scarce here! I'm sitting at Pac Mall's food court coz McD's wifi is free and hassle free!

Its my second day here so far. Tried sleeping in this morning but everyone was up and about so no point. Didn't get to sleep on the flight here two nights ago coz its just uncomfortable and I hate my backaches. Met a really nice father and son pair on the plane too. Its funny coz I remember as a kid travelling around alone, the one thing I'd always worry about is who I'm gonna end up sitting next to on the bus/ train/ etc. This time I didn't even think of it till I actually found my seat! Thank God for them though, coz its my first time flying alone so at least the experience was great. I knew he was an auditor the minute we started talking. Hahahaha. (no offense)

The min I touched down I knew I was definitely in Aussie coz the baggage attendants at the checkpoint were so nice! People here look you straight in the eye and say, "Hey how're you doing? Thanks, have a great day!" You actually feel like a PERSON the way they treat you. Not like Msia. Oh no! Its getting so easy to be comfortable here and compare with back home already. Haha. What more 2-3 years when I really come here to study I wonder. (shush Josh!)

Tiffy's got a lovely new house with a wooden front deck facing the pool. We had steak for dinner last night with bread and cheese! Reminded me of mom and her bread and cheese craze when she came back from Germany last yr. I knocked out soon after due to shopping all day as well. The malls here are fantastic. The people here are gorgeous! Its so weird to see hotties working at the most normal of jobs... road sweepers, coffee vendors, runway attendants, younameit. And they're all fair-skinned and smiley! Usually in Msia its all the dark-skinned people having jobs like these. *shrug* Just an observation.

The first proper conversation I had when I got here was a playful argument between Tiff and I. She ah... first time see me already I kena scolding for enrolling at Swinburne Uni in Melbourne. Ever since then she's been sales pitching for Brissy lah. (People I meet here seem to have MY whole life planned out for me. Studies, husband, job. Its hillarious.) But I can see why as well, life is lovely here. Very laid back and easy. I reckon the most I'd spend on if I lived here would be groceries and maybe clothes coz the grocery shops are marvelous! I could cook SO much here! Otherwise entertainment comes by chilling at the beach (Mark's gonna take me surfing one of these days), barbecues' with friends, strolls in the park, hiking near the waterfalls, etc. Most of which I'm gonna be doing for the next few days. God forbid I step into another clothes shop and waste my holiday away like I did the last time. How apt that I just watched Confessions of a Shopaholic not too long ago. I feel like one already at the rate I've been going. *note to self: NO SHOPPING WHEN I GET TO MELBOURNE NEXT WEEK!

We had homemade sandwiches on the beach this morning since Mark was on lifeguard duty. I'm still wearing my swimmers underneath actually. Haha. That's another thing I love about this place. You can wear WHATEVER you like, and no one would look at you twice (disdainfully). Cept those who pass me by are prolly wondering whatsup with this asian chick - all bundled up in a sweater and skinnies in such lovely weather. Haha. Whaaaat... The breeze gets chilly! My tolerance to cold weather is bad. I think I'm gonna freeze in Melb actually. Which reminds me, should I get that lovely cream trench-like coat at Target? Its $75! Where to find that kinda thing back in KL? Arrrrgh. Still deciding...

Zoe, I've got no wireless at Tiffy's so it'll be rare that I come on Skype. Ask mom/dad to read my blog if she wants updates. Heh. I miss you family! Wish you guys were here as well. Its an awfully nice place to have a holiday. =) I'm passing on trips to DreamWorld, sky-diving, and bungee jumping though. Should have come here when I was younger if I was to do all that.

And you two better email me your shopping list before I use up all my cash on myself. Heehee. (Nah, just kidding mom)

Ok lah. I wanna catch the sunset at a park nearby and bury my nose in a book too perhaps. Its great coz I get the car while Tiff's at work. She's been incredibly nice to me. I feel I almost don't deserve it. (Thank you Lord for all these blessings) Shall make the next post a picture one. Off to go exploring now =)

Can't wait for conference!!! I miss church. =(

Australia, here I come!

2009-04-03T17:27:00.000+08:00

This week has been a crazy social week. I managed to meet up with at least three people everyday just to catch up before I leave.

Confessions of a Shopaholic with my girly girlfriend Raelene!
(ok she's not that girly actually.)
and I forgot to take a pic of Leanna and Efa!

Dinner with the gang.
Ter and Darren.

Debs and Lydia

Then to Josh's house to watch Men in Tights!

Nat in the corner. hehe

MmmmmMmmm!!! Perfect accompaniment for an in-house movie night with friends! =)

Lizzie!!!

Bernice!!!

Samuelllll Ooooohhh!!! and Su Yi!!!

Measles-free Justin! haha

Joni!!! Thanks for dropping by babe.

I just realized I look the same in all the pics. Haha.
Time for a loony one!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Jeremyyy!!! (ahahaha sorry man. Its funny! eek!)

and ok la. I'm only going to Aussie for three weeks! Haha.
I know, I'm so drama.
See you people!
Watch out for updates!!!
Just me and my DSLR ... what an adventure!
(oh and of course, you too Tiff. Haha.)

Wheeeee!!!

Storm Petrels.

2009-03-29T02:22:00.000+08:00

Okay I apologize. I should have mentioned this earlier. But its always better late than never. Haha. So, the project started awhile back. And its actually accessible to all if you like. But don't be fooled. Nothing is for certain over there. It really depends on the weather that day. And its up to you if you wanna believe what you see or not. That's the mystery we like. =)

http://stormpetrelsondeck.blogspot.com/

Girlfriends are the best lah!

2009-03-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

One thing that most people don't know about Liz and I, is that whenever we go out, we choose our restaurant to match what we feel like wearing. Hahaha. So this time we decided to try out this new place recommended by my mumzie.

Its located somewhere on a hill in Damansara Heights. Can't remember the road. Quite easy to find lah. Go google it.

Relaly nice place. Simple yet full of interesting designs and odd bits. I tell you, I'm SO itching to hold another party soon just for the sake of trying out new decor ideas!

There's an outside part and an inside part.

Pretty huh?

We ordered shrimps and mango as our appetizer. Nice mix of flavours.

I had a roasted lamb shank that I could not finish.

and she had some chicken thing la. Too full to even take a bite of hers.

But no matter how full you are, there's always room for dessert! By the way, our bill came up to about RM 40 each. Good quality food, pretty reasonable price, and anything is better than paying at TGIF's.

The other parts of the building surrounding the restaurant has got really neat places for a photoshoot. We couldn't take the fountain in the garden coz it was too dark. So this worked just fine.

Lizzie!!! What can I say lah... you light up my life! Hahaha... (and let them think whatever they want of this exclusive girly date out. lol) Love you lots babe. You're a blessing to me really. Can't wait to see what God has in store for the both of us individually as we continue to trust Him in ALL aspects of life. *wink* HUGSSSS!

The journey so far...

2009-03-23T02:03:00.000+08:00

Words fail to express the amount of FEELING going on inside of me these days. Its like a whole rumble-tumble of emotions and revelation(s) and just a really super kau mixture of an infilling of His passion together with what I am experiencing in the physical realm as well.

There are days I am so at a lost for thought even. Like I cannot comprehend what God is doing in me and around me. And sometimes that no-comprehendo comes with such a strong sense of awe and trust in Him. But sometimes it is followed by much anxiety, doubt, and insecurity. All of which I know are unnecessary because God loves me. God loves. God is LOVE. And He lives in me. Love lives in me. And perfect love casts out ALL fear.

But when it gets tough and I lose focus, I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself of that unfailing, unconditional love and just quit comparing myself to others, quit getting caught up in the past and all human flaws.

One thing I am reminded of always, and of this I am sure of,

Love is worth waiting for.

Love is worth everything.

(Think of God giving up His only son for love, that's really the ultimate EVERYTHING)

I think Peter Pan once said, "To die would be an awfully big adventure"

I disagree.

Instead I say, "To LOVE is an awesomely great adventure!"

Its true la, what Ps. Mark said at Edward and Sandra's wedding yesterday. (Which I was already thinking of before) The best representation of God's love is through actual relationships between people. When two people love each other... there's a little bit of God in that.

i. GOD. you

"But the love of God changes us, and we're never the same after we've encountered the love of God..."

-Kim Walker-

A Breath of Fresh Air

2009-03-19T17:05:00.000+08:00

Aiyo so stress they only give me 15 mins in Starbucks today! So here are more sights of my retreat at Camerons in no particular order. I'm SO loving the kids and the weather and my Nikon D80!!!

Shankar and his daddy.
My beloved Macbook and a cuppa.
Home cooked food. Mix of M'sian and Philippino flavor. I helped!!

Claire and Jojo having fun washing the dishes together

Me faithful Crocs. BEST mission-trip-proof shoes ever! Keeps me happy too!
Tea time!
Brian Newton playing with the kiddos in the yard.
Part of this quaint little house we're staying in.

Evening playtime with the kids while the others cook dinner together. They're like family.
Jojo our head chef. I think I'd like to raise my kids on a farm sometime. So homey and nice la. Haha.
Samantha!!!! The love of my life! Little bundle of joy!
Worshipping God in the beauty of His wonderful creation all around us.

Judah showing off his little white teeth.

Christmas lights framing the windows at night. =)

All this makes me feel so in love with God! I would really blog more but I hafta goooo... I will miss the Philippino's ALOT when they leave. One more day to go.

Quickie from Camerons.

2009-03-17T18:36:00.000+08:00

The weather here is BEAUTIFUL!!!! This is the last week of my cross-cultural missions course. We're on our last subject "Life & Discipline of a Missionary" and also on a part retreat to wrap up the last three months.

That's the view from the little old house we're staying at. Its the only one on this hill. I took more photos but I'll blog more when I have the time. Everything here is so quaint and lovely!

This trip is exceptionally fun because we've got more playmates!

Baby Samuel

Shankar Junior

and Samantha darling!

Ok gtg.. I'm stealing wifi from Starbucks. Haha.

Trusting the unseen.

2009-03-14T19:02:00.000+08:00

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better

Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

-Unbreakable, Fireflight

Great music and powerful lyrics make such an impact in the world la. Sometimes I have so many feelings and thoughts tumbling around inside me, and then I come across certain songs and they take the words right outta my mouth! I have wished many times that I could write music like this and many more. But I've realized that my gifting lie elsewhere and so although I can't contribute to the music scene and impact lives through it, I am SO thankful and in awe of the many artists who have lived before me and who now live among my generation, especially those who choose to be inspired by The Creator of creativity.

If you're a musician and you're reading this, Thank you for impacting my life. You make a huge difference in this world!

Whee!!!

2009-03-10T15:37:00.000+08:00

The Plan, is moving beyond just planning! Its really happening! We had our very FIRST soft launch yesterday at DUMC's Dream Centre with almost 30 leaders and whoever we knew from all over. (omg, I SO wanna do a musical there!)

FGA Ipoh, Eagle Point, DUMC, CCKL, GTPJ, SIB, People's Park Baptist, and so many showed up! If you're reading this, you'd better find out more in the next few weeks and get involved already! =D

After having the privilege of sharing my testimony about how God brought me to this and what He's been revealing to me, I was standing at the back observing and just taking the reality of this meeting all in. All our little-house meetings and invasion of emails going to and fro between the planning team is finally becoming something! God is working something out man... I'm so excited and like omg... this is serious business la. Really gotta put full priority to this now. Eek!

Check out the teaser that Levi did! This is just the first of three that I'll be showing for now. =)

http://theplan09.weebly.com/index.html

Food for Thought?

2009-03-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

Something I read in today's assignment notes...

We think of success as what we achieve for God,

but He values more who we are,

or what He achieves in us.

Nuff said.

Crazy in Love!

2009-03-08T13:25:00.000+08:00

You know. Its crazy. God is doing crazy things. In me, and all around me right now. And I know that some people who read my blog may wonder, "Why is it she has nothing more human and normal to talk about? Why always must talk about God and the bible and deeep deeeep stuff?" But I'm telling you.... THIS supernatural lifestyle IS becoming a norm to me! I cannot help it! When you come this close and closer to your Maker, Lord, and Saviour... compared to Him, there is really nothing else in this world worth making this big a deal about anymore!

If you didn't know already, our God is a God who LOOOOVES. He IS love! And this ain't some kinda religion to get you into heaven so you won't burn in hell... this is a living breathing crazy exciting increasing relationship with God and His people! God and you. God and me. I told God that I wanna be SO in love with Him, till the point where my heart skips a few beats whenever I think of Him... and I believve He heard that coz this love I share with my Heavenly Father is becoming more and more real each day. This feeling is so out of this world I tell you!

GOD IS SO OUTTA THIS WORLD!!!

Sometimes when His love consumes me and just saturates me from the inside and out and all about... I feel like my body capacity or my heart capacity is too small to contain it all. Its so overwhelming that the only way I seem to be able to handle it is to just let my tears fall and whenever that happens I sometimes feel so silly like,"Why am I crying??? Don't be so drama can or not??" But like I said.... I just can't help it. I just can't help being head over heels madly in love with my Saviour. I'm His princess and He's my Knight in glorious shining armour!

I am SO loved by our God!

=D

Less is more.

2009-03-07T21:04:00.000+08:00

Days like these.

2009-03-05T20:24:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like a young person in an old person's body?
Or sometimes even like an old person in a young person's body?

I feel like either one ALL the time.
I NEVER feel my age.
I have NEVER felt my age before! Canyoubelieveit???

It's so depressing!

Gah!

Just Hangin' Out...

2009-03-01T14:30:00.000+08:00

Genting '08

Monkey-ing in Malacca '08

Capt'n Planet Amulets!

Fun with my girlies!

The smashin' Sebs! haha.

Jeremy and The Hammie!

My Timeless Two. =)
(Jean, you're lookin' hawt in the new hair-style ;)

I reckon I should make more time for that - just hangin' out. More time for people in my life. I realize every photo I have with friends is always taken at some event or other... rarely ever do I have "just 'cause" photos. And these were the only few I could find. =S Or maybe when I do hang out "just 'cause", we somehow never bother to take photos. Oh the memories!!! How are we gonna capture the memories???

I wanna go kite-flying soon. Anyone with me? =)

Happy Thoughts.

2009-02-26T19:12:00.000+08:00

Here's a glimpse of my Saturdays for you. Happy times with the Firefly kiddos!

The place is always so crammed with adults for some reason.
All wanting to see how they can do their part.

This is Komala. I promise I didn't get her to pose like that!

Sin Yee playing games with the younger class.

Jessica and Veni, a very bright little miss.

Bucketfuls of great potential. =)

Was it Peter Pan who said that fairies were created from a child's laughter?
Or something to that effect.
I think real life children are quite alike to that analogy.
God smiled and laughed, and these little people were created!

They're living expressions of His joy.

On a completely unrelated note, I currently:

crack all my my knuckles at least 17 times a day.
have more questions than answers.
need to live a disciplined lifestyle.
am trying to practice consistency.
have yet to send in my Uni application form.
need to get my priorities sorted and locked down.
am thinking of Jody, Shazzy, Efa, Manda, Eirene, and Ben.
have TONS of essays to write.
need to quit daydreaming.
really ought to go on a "life-detox" REAL soon.

Time to grow up!!! =S

Building His Kingdom, not my own.

2009-02-23T17:58:00.000+08:00

1 Corinthians 3: 11 - 15

"For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light.
It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames."

I think I've been very driven by OneEighty's new attitude of taking ACTION with what God has placed in our hands. So driven to the point that it doesn't just affect my role of example in OneEighty but also in every other ministry I'm a part of.

I did wonder once, if I was more of a thinker or more of a doer. My mom often brings up the fact that since I was little, I never tried something new unless I was 85% sure of its success. So much for being the kid who steps out in faith. Every time I think of those words, it causes me to doubt who I really am or can be. But I feel that has changed quite a bit these days. And so maybe I'm not so much of a thinker then, I've moved on to becoming more of a doer.

Kris and Jean just gave me the loveliest belated 21st birthday present ever! They wrote me our own story! And in it, I was described as a total "Do-er". How odd that I never saw that for myself before.

Anyway, this do-er thing can get outta hand sometimes. And 1 Corinthians 3: 11-15 couldn't be a more timely, point-blank reminder for me today. Heck, I didn't even know it existed in the bible! But its the truth, no foundation can be laid other than what God has already laid because all things do start from Him, and if I were to try and build upon it with my own ambitions, might, and resources... it'll show for just that - dust, the traces of what is man-made.

So help me God, to practice faithfulness beginning within me and consistently. Its the consistent prayer lifestyle that counts, and the little things we do when we interact with others around us. I choose not to be dissapointed by what is seen with the human eye, but instead, to allow God to reveal His glory in due time.

The Wonder of it All...

2009-02-23T16:57:00.000+08:00

Hahaha.. the video clip is so weird. But anyhoos. This was how I felt today.

I want to go deeper
But I don't know how to swim
I want to be meeker
But have you seen this old earth?
I want to fly higher
But these arms won't take me there
I want to be, I want to be

Maybe I could run
Maybe I could fly, to you
Do you feel the same
When all you see is
Blame in me?

And the wonder of it all,
is that I'm living just to fall
More in love with you [x2]

I want to go deeper
But is it just a stupid whim?
I want to be weaker
Be a help to the strong
I want to run faster
But this old leg won't carry me
I want to be, I want to be

-Deeper, Delirious-

Identity, Discipleship, Freedom

2009-02-21T00:04:00.000+08:00

Everyday I rush home feeling all excited because I know I have SO much I ought to blog about, but when I actually do get home and sit in front of the computer... my mind goes blank. Pfft.

So anyways, I was at OneEighty's think tank session last night. Honestly, I really don't know all the team members that well, but somehow its always a whole lotta fun whenever we meet up. We're like a total fruit salad of personalities, opinions, and what-nots lah.. and yet we find our common ground the strongest at times - the very fact that we're totally for living deliberately and believing in so much more than the naked eye sees.

The issue at hand was "Identity". What is identity and what keeps us from knowing our true identity? We tried to think from a neutral perspective as much as possible. A few lines that either left me in sudden awe or cracked me up last night were...

"I think God is really smart, when He said 'I am who I am' " - Jean

Jon: Why should we be more aware of our country's political issues?

Dexter: To score an "A" in our karangan!

(hahahhaha!!! Okay, Dex was only joking, I assure you. But it sure says something about our Malaysian government school system!!!! Gah! Kris, you'd better make it to the educational section in politics someday soon. SOMETHING has GOT to be done I say!)

The Do-er's of not tomorrow, but today. =)

Towards the end of our meeting, or rather... our opinion-throwing-spree... hehe, Crys mentioned that through all that's been said, it should sparked new inspiration for ideas to be made into great articles. Sure enough, I found myself furiously penning down all my gazillion and one thoughts quietly at my corner of the table. And now I have an exciting but crazily impossible task before me: Two articles and a near deadline to juggle along with every other deadline that's listed in my planner.

I have no complaints because I fully believe in what I'm doing these days and I couldn't ask for a more fulfilling life at this point of time. But I sometimes wonder if I did take on a tad too much to begin the year with?

Ironically, the topic for my missions course this week is "Interpersonal Relationships and Conflict Resolution" and today's last chapter was about "Problem Ownership".

Its proven that those serving in church, and missionaries in the field, struggle with this issue the most. They have difficulty determining who's problem it belongs to when faced with a clash of responsibilities and schedules. They often believe it is their duty to fulfill "ALL things for God" and thus attempt to take on the world with the "Messiah attitude", forgetting that they're NOT God and can only do so much as humans. It usually always results in a bad burn-out. Human toast! As Matt Fielder once described.

I was so relieved that the issue was addressed as a formal issue and not just something I imagined or a all-talk-no-action kinda conversational topic amongst many Christians . I am now convinced more than ever that DISCIPLESHIP and DELEGATION is key to successfully building God's Kingdom! It's selfish of a leader to do everything anyways. Doing so, is like practically robbing someone else of their opportunity to grow and develop as a person, and in their spiritual aspect as well.

Oooh.. I could be the next Dr. James Dobson. Hahahhaa.

Sigh... but anyways, at the end of the day right... there's nothing that we do that isn't worth something la. I say this because being on this missions course and listening to what is taught everyday during our classes, has caused me to realize that God has SO been working in my life throughout ALL my years in order to prepare me for this point of life and more! So much more.

We learnt that usually all negative feelings or communication derives from fear.
These are the four major forms of fear that were listed, and the first thing that came to MY mind for each:

1. Fear of failure - LOUD event @ Life College. (HA. HA. HA)

2. Fear of rejection - that stupid syndrome that I was struggling with for the longest time. PET! LYDIA! What's it called? Something something projection ah?

3. Fear of the unknown - the dawn of 2008. when my life changed completely and has never been the same ever since.

4. Fear of losing control - every failed relationship lah. So silly I tell you. I was so silly. At the expense of someone else's heart. But regret is a different topic altogether.

We were asked to identify with the fear that grabs us most. I knew that a year ago, I would have had to choose ALL four, like seriously. But as I thought through each of the four, God began to remind me of things that took place before and how He had enabled me to grow from them although most of it hurt so bad and almost crippled me from living my best for the longest time. It was all so worth it.

Today, I can finally say that I know I've been set free from the Fears # 1, 2, and 4. Its not a magical event that took place la. It happened gradually, and it still is seeing its process through. But it doesn't have a stronghold on my life any longer. and wow... that feels AMAZING!

That IS freedom in Christ! And you can have it too. =)

As for "fear" # 3... I think it will always sorta be there, paving the way for Daily Faith. =) But since everything in my life so far has been purposed by a great God (including the lousy LOUD event), I know for sure that my future is secure in His hands. Reminding myself of that daily helps to set me free from it being a "fear" but instead, an "excitment" of whats to come!

Hmm. So much for being blank when I come home and sit before the computer screen.

The Continuation...

2009-02-18T01:04:00.000+08:00

Confession:

*try-hard British accent*

I have always felt a deep sense of pride whenever I converse in the English language. It is my first language and the only one I can speak fluently in anyway. It feel great to share this common bond with the high-rolling people of class A societies in most countries. I do feel quite a disdainful sort of pity for those who just can't enjoy the literature of this language as much as I can. Oh those poor lost souls....

Until I had a taste of my own medicine!!!! *now back to normal Malaysian accent. haha*

The bookstores in Hatyai were COMPLETELY in Thai!!!! I felt amazingly stupid. Every novel I could recognize was only because of its similar cover to the English version I already owned. Oh and guess what, the only books in English that were there, were the Thai-English DICTIONARIES!!! Hahaha. My secret sense of self-pride was shot to pieces in an instant as I took the shoes of a foreigner in a strange land for once. (I mean, what else to expect right? Its Thailand for heaven's sake! But just let me talk and act like an overly excited tourist will you?)

Heh heh heh.

So we had more classes with Danny. The tentmaking guy. Hahaha. And no, we didn't learn how to make tents literally. This man is a legend la! He's lived for umpteen years and spend his entire life (no kidding) being devoted to the mission field. He sent the FIRST Phillippino missionaries out to various parts of China! (Don't ask me what year la, I probably wasn't even a zygote back then) How cool is that? A walking history icon. Real nice chap.

Here's just an exercise we did during one of our CHE classes (Community Health and Education). We're given these little men-shaped paper pieces with various names of diseases written on them. The picture of the houses we're matching them to, represent Prevention from Home, Medicine in Clinic, Surgery in Hospital. And yes, we found it makes more sense to give health education from the home rather than focus on just funding the cost of the cure at the hospital which costs way more and can only save a handful.

And that means... I don't have to be a medical student to save lives babyy!!!! *superman stance*

So moving on...
Some scenes around town.
(that's proof of the DSLR for you Adeline Oh! *wink*)

This is Rob.

He's from the US, our CHE facilitator, the host of this yummilicious house dinner..

... and the father of SEVEN kids of all kinds of races and ethnic backgrounds!

I kid you not. He walks the talk man! Their house is the coolest I've ever seen. Made of two shoplots joined together, four storeys high - enough room for all kids to have their own space and be treated with equal respect as opposed to how some of the adopted ones were treated like back in their abusive street homes.

Here's the view from the top of the roof. They sometimes have picnics or camp outs up here to star-gaze as a family. How neat!

Jojo and Cynthia celebrated their 2nd year anniversary while with us as well. Happily married couples on the mission field give me the jumpets! (Little excited jumps of joy)

Judahhhhh!!!!!!

Yeah this is their version of the kiddy ride we've seen at Genting back in Malaysia. 'Cept the only thing run by electricity are the florescent light bulbs! The lightweight metal cars are just hanging there and the whole thing swivels by a small fan attached to the edge of the roof when wind rushes through it. Eeeeeiii!!! Kinda makes you appreciate our rickety-rusty Genting Theme Park rides a bit more. Ha ha.

More scenes at the night market... they're big on night markets btw.

I ate "Khao Phat Koong" for a whole week! (however you spell that, its supposed to mean prawn fried rice) So green curry rice was a good change for the last day there.

In every group, there's always a joker... who never minds being the joke sometimes. Haha.

Finally... homeward bound! I wasn't homesick although I was excited to be back at my awesome CITY CHURCH the next day! but I dreaded the bus ride back to KL .. until I realized

IT WAS A DOUBLE DECKER BUS!!!!!

Woohooo!!!!!! *happy happy*

and then... it was GREAT to be home. =)

So actually if you're reading this now, I've been back for more than a week already. This post is suuuuper outdated but who cares. My pics make it worth the blogging!

I'm back to classes at the missions center/ office at USJ 1 every morning now, and I'm learning lots! But brain capacity needs to expand at the same rate or else it'll sizzle out soon. Also preparing to say another goodbye in three days time...

Don't gooooo!!!!! *sniffle*

2009-02-17T18:23:00.001+08:00

When tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When tears stream down your face
I promise you I will love you for your mistakes.

-Fix You, Coldplay-

Sawadeekaa!

2009-02-04T19:01:00.001+08:00

For those of you who don't know already, this little miss loony has been attending a 3-month missions training course since January. We're brought through different modules each week, which makes life interesting for two reasons - different topics are covered in different locations and through various styles each week, and... we get different classmates each week!

This week we're in Hatyaii, Thailand; and my classmates are a mix of Koreans, Americans, Phillipinos, and of course Malaysians. I'm having a superb time learning to converse in Thai, Tagalog, and even a bit of Korean! Its been so long since I've sat in a missions course amongst other missionaries. I thought I'd be homesick and a little left-out since I'm the youngest, but being here amongst people who have the same passion and desire as I do feels great la. Its so comfortable, and so nostalgic. Even though the other missionary kids are way younger than I am, watching them sit in the corner with their homeschooling text book while their parents facilitate the training classes reminds me so much of the life I had while growing up.

Speaking of Missionary Kids, meet Judah. Thai & English speaking Phillippino MK, crazy wild extremely hyperactive, incredibly ADORABLE, and the current light of my life! I swear he talks like Alvin the Chipmunk!

I love this kid la. And his parents are simply amazing! Both Ronald and Cynthia have been running a Children's English Education Centre in Thailand for the past three years. Not only do I admire their guts for raising a kid in the mission field, but I love their determination and extreme passion for what they do. This year they're taking this training course once again in order to prepare to return to Philippines and use a similar module to train up more missionaries from their local church! How rad is that lah?!

Ronald was a former youth pastor back at his church in Manilla before joining the mission field. He's been showing me clips of the youth over there and they. are. WILD! I'm determined to go to Phillippines sometime this year before Uni starts, to visit them and meet the others too.

There are so many others living such extraordinary stories of where they work. Most of which I can't mention here for obvious reasons. (Ask me in person if you wanna know =) Its so inspiring to hear each of their stories and what God has been doing in their ministry.

We've been learning Community Development strategies this week. It focuses on Community Health and Education/ Evangelism (CHE). It's an incredibly effective way to reach out to the unreached and needy people groups worldwide. Classes have been long and tiring, but also pretty interesting so far as I've waited for the longest time to learn practical skills like these.

This trip has caused me to realize a few major things though. The more exposed I am to what's going on outside the church walls, the more fearful I become. It's crazy because while I'm more aware than ever of the millions of people suffering in the world and not knowing the love of Christ, all I can think of is how homesick I'll be if I were to really become a frontier missionary. But as ridiculously fearful as I've been, there's still an unavoidable desire within me to reach out to those in need. I know that by God's grace, I can do better than this though. And the only way to do so is to just get my butt out there and stop thinking of myself. I spend too much time worrying about being homesick even BEFORE I start to feel homesick. Bah.

Anyways I ought to be going. I stink and I need a bath. I've been procrastinating baths since I encountered an evil roach in the bathroom the other day. It was freaking huge! Hard to imagine that there was a time I actually bathed with SEVEN roaches in the bathroom with me. (During our Aceh, Indonesia '05 trip) I don't think I can do that again. Why ever did God create such a vile creature?! *shudder*

More updates and piccies to come =)

Welcome to the Revolution.

2009-02-02T21:46:00.000+08:00

Started by a bunch of young radicals who believe in the power of the written word, a writers' think tank was formed. It was through this that they found common ground beyond the simple love of writing. Each had a desire to see their generation step up to its fullest potential and bring a revolution of change to their community, society, and nation. After much sorting out many brilliant ideas and personal convictions, the team decided it was time to put things into ACTION!

And so, being a part of these exciting course of events myself, I proudly welcome you to join us on the whirlwind that'll blow your mind...

(yes I'm aware that I'm posting this up a day late. But that's not the point.)

It's ALIVE babyyy!!!

*click*

Brace yourselves... It's gonna be phenominal! =D

Its the weekend!!!!!!

2009-01-31T18:19:00.000+08:00

and GOODBYE to the lousy week!

I couldn't bear to leave this blog looking this depressing for yet another week.
I'm off to Thailand tonight and I'm convinced once again that life is TOO SHORT
to spend moping around at home! Pah.

So I don't care if I have nothing left to say to anyone.
Or if I'm not as noisy or entertaining as I was before...
I'm gonna embrace the world once again and poke my nose into everything there is to poke it into!
So expect to see me people! I will not disappoint! nope nope. I won't!

(Thank God I'm not a bear. I would hate the hibernating season.
How antisocial.)

and THANK YOUUUUUU all you crazy wonderful people ... (referring to you who picked me up on Tuesday night to head to Klang, you who randomly showed up at my door on wednesday afternoon, you who has been checking on me everyday thru sms/phonecall/ in person, you who thought of me and prayed for me even while CNY-ing in Seremban, you who endured another series of my frenzied- phonecalls last night, you who admitted you preferred depressing over happy -haha, you who packed your lunch up halfway just to catch up with me earlier, and you who reminded me that I'm always welcomed back to the gang today. =)
.... for stickin' by this lousy doledrummed in-housed girl. and for still believing in me even though I had nothing left to give. and for still being my friend when i wasn't much of one in return. I don't deserve you peopleeeee!!!! But I'm glad I have you anyway! Haha...

See you guys in a week!

tralala! *XD*

what if...

2009-01-30T22:27:00.000+08:00

what if i stumble?
what if i fall?
what if i lose my step and make fools of us all?
will the love continue?
when my walk becomes a crawl?
what if i stumble?
and what if i fall?

- JOC -

The Letter

2009-01-28T12:39:00.000+08:00

*This short piece was inspired by someone I know. I realized I've never come across such a letter-based-article like the one that was beginning to form in my mind. So here it is, the first of such that I've read, and written.

Dear you,

It is an honour to finally meet you. In any normal circumstance, the moment of our acquaintance would have been a rather intimidating one on my part, and just plain awkward overall. But strangers as we are to one another, we share an inevitable common bond. He who was to me, and is to you now.

In the brief moments of our polite conversation, I could see why he loves you. That realization was followed by a rush of feeling that welled up silently inside me. Pure happiness. For the both of you.

Friends we once were, him and I. Sometimes too close for comfort, but never enough for commitment. He was amazing, but I knew there could be no future for us. I could never love him the same, and he deserved better. So much better.

You.

I'm happy he found you. Or that you found him. I know you'll love him like I never could. You'll love him just as much in return, like he deserves.

Contrary to any usual circumstance, meeting you was neither intimidating nor awkward. You had confidence set deep in those soft dark eyes of yours, a warm and genuine smile worn proudly on your face, and a most lovable down to earth nature about you. You're amazing... and you deserve the best.

Him.

I have long awaited and hoped this day to come. And now, I am glad it has.

With love,

Me.

2009-01-25T11:39:00.000+08:00

Daydream Friday

2009-01-10T00:50:00.000+08:00

"Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

which leads to...

"Love is a choice, not a feeling."
(- who said that?)

So profound and so true. Especially when it hits home.

Hello 2009!

2009-01-03T02:04:00.000+08:00

I used to be the kind of person who'd want everything in its place at its right time. That also means when it came to a new year, I'd be the one who'd have all my resolutions listed down in order.
But 2008 has been a rather unorthodox year for me, causing my usual rigid thinking-system to become a little more flexible. But I do love making lists still. And so here's one for you:

In 2008...

I learned to say goodbye to the past, over and over again.
I learned to make wise choices, both big and little because they all add up anyways.
I learned that "unless the Lord builds my house, I labor in vain" (Psalms 127:1)
I learned the true meaning of forgiveness, and experienced its beauty.
I learned not to cram my schedule with appointments and such, to make time for myself and God.
I learned to value quality over quantity in my relationships with people.
I learned that answering the Call of God in my life means to serve Him by serving others daily, and that obeying the Will of God in my life means to just love Him more and more everyday.
I discovered that the power of prayer is the most powerful weapon I've been given as a Child of God. And that it works!
I realized how blessed I am in every area of my life only because He provided and answered my every prayer.
God gave me a new family (church) to grow with, and a few amazing friends that I cannot be more thankful for!
I think I've never gotten to know the heart of my Savior this much in my entire life before.
I've learned to love myself more. Definitely so much more! Haha. Because He first loved me of course. Only because of that.

So the list could go on really...

About how I turned 21 and significantly had to grow up during that particular season. ( I swear I didn't have that mapped out for sure!)
About how I surfed for the first time ever! Bali's where its at lah!
About how God gave me the job of my dreams only to show me that I could let go of that because I was to be part of an even bigger picture!
About how God specifically used me and my friends to form a dance ministry that He had been putting together long before I entered the picture.
About the fact that I now own my very own Nikon D80 babyyy!!!!
About how I'm actively a part of my very first local consistent community project for children!!!
About how He's provided for my family financially and answered my prayers by pulling us five closer than ever before...

Oh wait, this is turning out to be another list. Heh. Sorry.

So.... back to the topic of New Year Resolutions.

Quite frankly, I don't believe in such things.

I don't believe we have to wait for the cracking dawn of a new year accompanied with some fireworks in order to MAKE LIFE RESOLUTIONS!

I mean c'mon! Surely we're created to be more spirited than that! Unorthodox remember? ;)
"As the wind blows..." hahahaha nah I'm kidding. That sounds a little too wishy-washy for me too.

So, for a new year's post. This is all you're gonna get from me:

That I'm THANKFUL to God for bringing me through the BEST year of my life and now into the next... It can only get better from here. =)

Greater things are yet to come.

2008-12-31T00:47:00.000+08:00

People say that I change my blog too often. They also ask why I haven't been updating this one a little more. I'm always at a loss for answers to questions like those. But to the second, I think its because I'm just lazy. Lazy to try expressing the feelings that I've been feeling lately, and the thoughts that I've been thinking. Lazy to explain myself. Lazy to sell my image. It all seems pointless these days. I've been out enjoying myself so much. Hardly any picture or stories to show for it. I feel sorry that my negligence doesn't do this blog justice. Doesn't do me justice as a writer. But I suppose I will begin writing soon. I have not much choice. And perhaps I'll get better at expressing myself again. Not here of course. When Our Project starts. =)

It feels great to be part of The Revolutionary Somethings that are happening now.
I hope to be my part well. I hope to grow through it. I want to love life more. Well, love God more. More than life. Coz sometimes and lately, life seems pretty empty. Mine anyway. And I suppose people who love God wouldn't feel empty in life? So maybe I'm not loving enough. Dunno.

Last night when I was playing the imaginary game with two of my bestest friends in the world, I realized I lock pieces of myself up a lot. Like even in writing. I'm beginning to wonder what could be if I didn't. In fact I probably already have an idea. And it scares me... so that's why I keep locks.

Anyways, I ought to be going.

I need more happy potion/ lotion coming.

Merry New Year peeps!

Mustard Seed Faith

2008-12-21T02:48:00.000+08:00

When I can't feel you,
I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear You,
I know You still hear every word I pray
And I want You more than I wanna live another day
And as I wait for You,
I am made more faithful.

-Faithful, Brooke Fraser-

I know God is moving.
I know He is putting things into action.
I know great things are happening around me right now.
I know He's getting me involved.
I know there exists a world far bigger than mine.
I know my eyes have yet to see what's beyond the horizon.
I know my God loves me.
I know He wants the best for me.
I know I cannot afford to stop praying.

I need to keep praying.

Prayer moves mountains.

"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

- Jesus to the disciples, Matthew 17:20 -

Because Prayer is Power...

2008-12-19T02:57:00.000+08:00

Click PLAY on that.

and then,

click on THIS and THIS.

Don't have time to elaborate much on my blog now, but I will soon. Just read up first.

I'm so excited!!!

Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times.

Then Jesus said, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

-Mark 4:8-10-

Tuesday's Lessons.

2008-12-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think I'm no different from a 5-year old kid. (I'm not referring to size here okay!)

I still get upset when things don't go my way.
I'm still scared to venture into different/ new things alone.
I still "cry" when I feel lonely and when I think people are laughing at me.
I can't really bring myself to do things that I don't feel like doing.
I miss my family easily. (It was never the case as a teenager tho. Wonder what changed?)
I procrastinate the difficult things on my to-do-list for the longest time.
I'm easily cheered-up with little thrills like kite-flying, homemade picnic lunches, friends, and pretty things.
And my whole day consists of either hyper activeness or extreme exhaustion as and when.

So growing up scares me.

The idea of venturing into the world of ministry in the mission field for real scares me.
To handle a class of foreign-speaking children alone...
To stay for more than a day in a foreign country without the company of my usual group of friends and leaders...
To work with people whom I've never met before or who are from a different background as I am from, who have been brought up very differently from how I've been, who have different value systems and habits...

When I think of all these things, I feel like running back to my little shell of comfort: Studying in Australia and experiencing the luxurious life of a student there. Staying here and getting a media-related job and earning lots of money. Going to a well-established church every Sunday and working with people who know and understand me. Living with my family. And of course, having all my close friends just a phone call or short drive away. The easy life.

But I know I was meant for more. And I want it. And in order to get it, I have to grow. And in order to grow, I have to take the first step and just persevere through the things I'm so afraid of, the things I'm not comfortable with. I have to get out of my comfort zone, face my fears, and REALLY literally live up to my "Send me, I will go Lord!" prayer. I know it'll be so worth it. And that's the only thing that keeps me from running away any longer.

And so tomorrow,

I'm growing up.

Home, but not thaaat alone.

2008-12-07T01:29:00.000+08:00

With both siblings and the parents away for a week, I thought it'd be party time for me back at our humble home. But my brother was right. And I miss them.

Anyhoos, with the exception of The Great Ah Mah's return (a.k.a. Miss See Tho Chi Yenn!), an almost-daily dose of Darren, and a one-day road trip that led to the discovery of my real life Magical Kingdom followed by lotsa clickety-clicks with my beloved D80... the days have been long and tiring due to 9am - 6pm TESOL classes over this weekend...

Its been a good one YEAR since I last sat in a lecture, had textbooks laid out before me, and a whole load of notes to write. I was feeling slightly nervous before Friday but didn't really have time to give much thought to it. However, as taxing as the hours are on my sleepy eye lids and fuzzy brain...

The TESOL course is AMAZING!

I seriously don't remember the last time I enjoyed learning this much!
(Btw, TESOL = Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages.)

It's so exciting to learn and discover new methods of enriching another person's life through education. The more I participate in everything this course offers daily, the more I'm convicted that our Malaysian government school teachers have got it ALL wrong. They shouldn't even BE teachers to begin with. (there are exceptions of course) But enough about the obvious, and back to me. I realize more than ever that there really is no other better reason to exist than to have the opportunity of a lifetime to influence the next generation.

Honestly, I never once imagined I'd be a teacher as a professional occupation. And I do realize that especially as of this year, I've drifted so far from the original die-hard ideals I had about my lifetime career (with no regrets "miracally", as Sha puts it. haha ok fine. Miraculously. But now miracally sounds cuter). But as I sat there on the first day and even today, in that classroom of passionate teachers who want to better themselves for the sake of others... I felt belonged.

Where this will take me, I cannot say for sure. All I do know is that God is working at some big hugemongous plan for my life and He's a-fixing and a-molding at my heart at every breathing moment of mine. 2009 is so unpredictable, even more than 2008 has been. And honestly, I am SO excited for what's to come!

Speaking of which....

FIVE MORE DAYS BABYYYYY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They're comin hooooooooooooooooooooooooooommeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

*eeeek!* =D

Ps. A Slice of Life has been updated!

Aaaaand... We're Back!

2008-11-29T01:26:00.000+08:00

... From a very impromptu 2-day family holiday to Malacca and Port Dickson. Gosh, I reckon we should pull such stunts more often. It brings back the kick in life! Along with us we brought the Canon Power Shot, the Olympus Shock + Water Proof, and of course... my Nikon D80.

I have SO many awesome photos to upload!!!! But this will have to do for now. I need sleep.

ps. I LOVE this shot!

I CAN Dream Big, Because I Have a BIG God!

2008-11-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

I was at The Hailer's 4th issue post mortem last night. It was held at Crystal's homey house this time. She cooked a splendid dinner for all of us. I tell you, that woman could make anyone do whatever she wants by cooking for them if she wanted to. It's that good.

For those of you who don't know already, The Hailer is a magazine run by the students of Life College. It is published twice in a year (for now) and sponsored by various companies per issue. All efforts - writing and finding sponsorship are done by the students who make up the Editorial. So far, this magazine has existed for just almost two years. But look at how far God has brought us in just such a short time!

This was the first issue: July 2007
Editor-in-Chief: Adriel Wong
16 pages/ black and white

The Second Issue: November 2007
Editor-in-Chief: Sarah Lim
16 pages/ fully colored

The Third Issue: July 2008
Editor-in-Chief: Elizabeth Foo
28 pages/ fully colored

And finally, coming VERY soon...

The FOURTH Issue!
Editor-in-Chief: Crystal Cha
Special Edition/ fully colored

When we first started this magazine, it was for a rather last-minute assignment project that my batch of Journalism students had to do. We roped in a few of our juniors, namely Crys, Chev, Sze Keong, Shua, and Liz to help out. ( I think they weren't even in my class. Can't remember.)

Around the same time, my college staff were bugging either Sam or I to start a magazine for the college. It was something I knew I wanted to do but due to bad experiences in the past, I declined at first. It was only till this assignment came about that we had no choice but to publish it anyway. During that time I realized that I wouldn't have many more years in Life College, and no matter how risky it was to try something new again, I knew I wanted to leave my college with a legacy more than anything else. My two and a half years in Life College was not to be in vain.

My college was quite new you see, and we hadn't got any real clubs or society's that succesfully availed themselves for interested students. I realized that there were quite a few students in the college who really had a passion for writing like I did (if not more). Such gifts should never be wasted and so I wanted to create a means for them to impact their generation through writing. After the first issue was out, it was time to decide if we would continue with this great big risky but exciting thing. I was to be the next Editor-in-Chief.

I remember Shua and the others telling me that we can make this happen even though our numbers are few and finance is zero, and that I wasn't in this alone because they too shared the same passion as I. And sure enough, I really wasn't alone... throughout the many major ups and downs of getting sponsors and learning to work with each other - by God's grace lah... the second issue was published! 500 copies! Praise God! I was crazy happy.

Through that experience, I realized that The Hailer was more than just a tool of communication. It was in fact most importantly a place where students would be trained up for the working world like no other practical assignment based project in class would. Just being part of a team trains us up to work with different people, handle the challenge of catering to the real world's needs (not your lecturer's and your marks), thinking about the big picture of things, and learning to plan ahead and strategize all in a given time limit. And doing ALL of this not for money, not for good grades, but simply because of PASSION. It was VERY character building.

And so began (I feel) the real driving force and purpose of The Hailer. Jesus teaches us to hold on to things of eternal value and to value things that money cannot buy. Sowing into the lives of other people and giving them a chance to experience the best in life for their own personal growth is truly one of the greatest reasons a person could live for.

This journey was far from easy. And I recall the many times I just wanted to give up. I'm a very irratable, impatient, and emotional person and having to work with people who didn't do things my way was a really tough challenge. As one of the pioneers, the editor, and then the student advisor of this magazine - I too learnt numerous amounts of life lessons from the experiences of publishing each issue. It was a humbling journey.

But I today I look back at where we came from, and how far we've come to where we (they) are now... and I can confidentely BEYOND confidently say that I have NO regrets to everything that took place be it good or bad because its not just me who has grown from this experience, but so have many others as well.

The team has expanded. Some have left, most have stayed on, and more have joined. I don't know the newer members personally but I already feel so excited to have them join the team. It's like watching a family grow. And really, that's what The Hailers are/ were to me - like family.

At the post-mortem last night, they were discussing future plans for this magazine to be registered as an actual magazine in Malaysia so that we may distribute it legally all over the country and even to other countries in the future! I never imagined such a thing would be made possible!

Truly, God is amazing la. What started out as a little desire that needed a little step of faith, lots of prayer and support... has now become something beyond my wildest dreams! When you trust God with your whole heart and commit your situations to Him... He doesn't just bless you once, but He blesses you in double portion and more!

To The Hailers who have walked this journey with me and then continued to carry the baton with even more passion after I left... I cannot thank you enough for your faithfulness and dedication to this magazine and to the people in this magazine.

Shua,
This magazine wouldn't be possible without you because although you didn't hold a great title back then, you certainly were one of the main people who not only encouraged me during our pioneering days, but also the rest of the team. You believed in this magazine through thick and thin and refused to let circumstances get in our way. Thank you for being my listening ear and for not judging me even when my flaws were so obvious) Seeing you still ever so active and always delivering such amazing pieces of writing in the Editorial and now finally being one of the editors yourself just totally makes me so happy. You're the man lah Shua!

Liz,
Though your time as student advisor for the recent issue was divided due to other commitments, I want you to know that you have played such an important role in this magazine. The success of The Hailer is not really about whether the magazine is great or not, or how many meetings had full attendance or not, or anything like that. Its about seeing the long-term of things and carrying the vision, its about giving your very best so that others may benefit from your example. And everyone will agree that you did an excellent job as the previous Editor-in-Chief, far beyond what I could ever achieve! (Seriously babe, I have NO eye for detail and I'm too impatient to bother and thats the one thing that always gets me in trouble. But its a quality you have which I fully admire and half envy. Haha) Whether you realize it or not, your support even as my assistant back in 2007 and more importantly as a friend contributes to the current Hailer Editorial that our juniors (those I don't even know) are able to own now. =) You're a history maker babe!

Crys,
I'm ever so thankful that you've been a part of The Hailer for a few practical wonders such as your remarkable gift with words and your really cool designing skills (which I'm both in awe of because I've always been a fan of your writings, and I know zilch about techy designing multimedia blablablas). But that aside, I have to thank you most for being one of my greatest forms of encouragement just by being who you are. I don't recall ever confiding in you or you ever layanning my bad mood days, but even throughout my days in The Hailer, I've learnt so much by observing how you deal with situations in a most professional and mature manner regardless of how daunting the odds are against you. Gentle strength is what I'd call it. That's what you have. (and that's probably more of what this impulsive miss Sarah needs as well. haha)

And as for this coming issue... I'll say it again, you've totally blown us away! I honestly had forgotten our age difference until it was mentioned last night and really girl, people like you show the world that age is seriously Just A Number. You've done an excellent job at being BOTH the Editor-in-Chief and the designer, and even just at managing people and bringing out the best in them. Thanks for making The Hailer what it is today.

Chev!!!
I am SO SO SO SO SOOOOOO super excited and happy for you that you're now the next Editor-in-Chief! I have been waiting for this day for so long and I'm so glad that the ball is finally in your hands. I've seen so much potential in you girl! You've been with The Hailer since its beginning and have seen the ins and outs and ups and downs of how it works. Your current members and assistants are one of the best anyone could ever ask for. You've grown so much since day one in the editorial - from a little junior (not that I ever saw you as one actually.. Miss Dance Pro!) to now one of the great seniors of Life College and the Editor-in-Chief of the BEST student project that ever existed! You have nothing to lose. Although each issue comes with its new challenges and difficulties, never let them intimidate you from pressing on to achieve your goal. Remember that this magazine isn't just about the issue you're in charge of, but its about the issues before and the issues to come. In saying "issue" I mean the people who are affiliated with it too. That's influential power in your hands right there. Make the most of it ;) Never EVER compare yourself to previous editors, only learn from their mistakes and triumphs, and don't be afraid to try new things. The future of this magazine will go far when you're leading it as yourself. We have full confidence in you. =)

Ok la.. this has been the LONGEST blogpost ever done in history I bet. Before I end, I just have one more Person to give full credit to...

Dear God,

You are simply amazing. I cannot thank You enough for loving me
and believing in me this much in spite of my flaws. I thank You for providing for my every need, I thank You for the desires and passions which You have placed in my heart,
I thank You for fulfilling the promises You've given, I thank You that I'm never alone because You have given me the greatest friends anyone could ever ask for, and even when they're not there, I know that everything is alright because You still are. You will never leave me nor forsake me, You love me too much to leave me hanging.

The success of this magazine has caused me to realize more than ever that it was never about me and it has nothing to do with me or the Editorial... but instead it was all in Your great plan that You carefully lovingly weaved together just to show us how great You are. And You know what God? You are truly great! Greater than the toughest trials, greater than the highest mountains, greater than the most impossible situations. You're the God of the impossible and I'm SO glad that You're God and that I'm not.

I know that you hold my world in Your hands and that You have a plan and purpose for my life and the lives of each of my friends. What You have put together, no man can separate. And only You can take away what You have given because it is Yours.
And with that, I say... have Your way in us.

Thank You heaps!
I love You Lord!

love,
Sarah

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,

-Ephesians 3:20-

Again, would have never thought of THAT!

2008-11-18T18:08:00.000+08:00

Sarah says:
Ya I wish they'd have like ultra shift keys. so I can alter even the caps sizes.
So I can yell. At different decibels. hehehe

Bernard says:
they'd explode
ahahhahahahaha

exploding keyboards ARE NOT COOL OKAY
gosh... imagine

lol
little alphabet blocks everywhere
so cute.

yer, i was thinking about my disembodied fingers
you can go have your cute little elephant blocks

errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... alphabet

ALPHABET!

ahahhahahahahaha

hahaha right.

random rambles

2008-11-18T00:18:00.000+08:00

Being sick for a whole week Just. Sucks.

I missed Kristy so much today. and now Jean.
11th December faster come!!!

I'm tired of the wrong ones. ALL THE WRONG ONES.
I want my someone special and only him. Pfft.

I have no idea how I'm gonna live through the working adult life.
Can't keep a job for more than 4 months.
Easily distracted. Will work for passion, not for money.

I'm not as independent as I always thought I was.
I still need my mommy badly.

When Jochebed said to Shaun at their wedding,
"When I look at you, I know God loves me"
I wanted to cry. I knew there was hope for me then.
God loves me too.

I prayed I'd find a new family this year. I realize I have.
And so that's probably just why I've been feeling edgy
with them lately. But its fine, we're family. That's how it is.
I know I love CCKL.

I want a weekend of CATAN with the Jesudasans again.

I will have my beach getaway soon and
I'm looking forward to it very much.

God.

2008-11-10T19:04:00.000+08:00

Do you believe this painting was done by an 8-year old?

Prince of Peace

Her name is Akiane Kramarik. She has this marvelous artistic gift that enabled her to begin painting pictures so real at such a young age. She paints from her God-given dreams and inspiration. I'm not making this up. She said so herself.

How do you explain such a talent? Was it upbringing? Was it genetically modified? Was she drilled and taught?(She learned herself btw) You can't. To me, there's only one explanation, and His name is God.

On days like these, I'm glad He's left traces of Him around us and in people... so I'm reminded that He's real.

It's all about LOVE love! love! LOVE! love!

2008-11-08T01:46:00.000+08:00

Steven Curtis Chapman sings,

"This is the reason we were made
To know the love of our creator
And to give the love He's given us away
Yeah, the Maker and the Father and the God of everything
He says to ...

Love love love love love ...it's all about
Love love love love love
Everything else comes down to this
Nothing any higher on the list than love."

I realize that God has been showing me exactly that more than ever recently... in every situation I'm in, in every challenge I face, in every person I see, in every thought I think... its so overwhelming!

We try and try so hard to figure out what life is about, we try to become someone better or greater or do anything to somewhat feel satisfied with ourselves... I don't know... we try to figure God out, to be this epitome of human perfection or whatever... And we've been totally missing the whole point!

He created us to love. He is love, we're an extension of who He is. Created in His image. We're beings of His love in tangible form. God loves us. We were made to love. To totally wholesomely experience every knook cranny and bitsy bit of this great Love that transcends all time, condition, and understanding. How absolutely wonderfully bizarre!

Anyways, I wanted to tell you about this production by Footstool Players. *click* It's showing at KLPAC from the 6th-16th November. And its so good! Soon Wei and his gang really exceeded my expectations. Every scene is perfectly roleplayed by a brilliant cast who's expressions and gestures leave you completely wrapped up in every emotion that LOVE feels like - silly, simple, wonderful, sometimes painful, real.

It wasn't a preachy Christianny thing but I couldn't help but realize the importance of the Father's love throughout the total 105 minutes of this play. The lyrics of the songs played inbetween leaves you fully mesmerized in thought as you begin to realize the wonder of the simplest yet most profound things in life.

Anyways, actions speak louder than words... so I'll stop here and leave you to find out the rest for yourself. Must okay!!! Seriously. No regrets wan. Worth every cent.

Tickets are RM 30 each. I think I won't mind watching it again also la. It's that good.

Seriously!

2008-11-05T02:22:00.000+08:00

GOD IS SO WONDERFUL and GREAT and AWESOME and WOW!!!!!

You know its just crazy how I'd be thinking about something and half mentally-conversing with God about it, and all these Bible verses suddenly start popping up at the very appropriate times and then I'm all like Wow God! (while grinning like an idiot on a dazed happy-high to myself) and I continue on to the next thought and ANOTHER verse pops up and I'm thinking... where is all this coming from??? Coz I know I was never the kid in Sunday School who memorized verses to get stickers. Really wan.

I prayed, "God I place my friendships in Your hands. You give and You take away, have Your way."

He said, "...And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

I prayed, "God its not easy choosing to live for You. I often worry I may look like those insane Christians who just seem to have no real plans in life in the name of "See la how.. God's will". But I believe You will never leave me hanging. You will never shortchange me of my blessings. You love me too much to allow anything like that to happen."

He said, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I prayed, "God how long more do I have to wait? Is my faith doing ANYTHING at all? Are You there???"

He said, "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised isfaithful." (Hebrews 10:23)

I prayed, "God, I want my sleep. I want peace. Things are so unknown right now and seemingly in a mess. Please please please give me that peace that passes ALL understanding, because I truly don't understand what it is You're up to in my life right now, but I know I can trust You and I know You have my best interests at heart."

He said,"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you." ( John 15:7)

And He kept every one of these promises! I mean, its a constant thing of course... such conversations that transpire between my God and I. But I know He keeps His promises daily, at every moment. Like He did again just today. =)

His mercies are truly new every morning and GREAT, so GREAT... is His faithfulness!

Most people prefer waiting till the tough seasons are over and the answer has come before testifying of God's greatness. And its true, sharing the struggles you face currently is risky and can be embarrassing. But I like Job - The guy in the Bible who lost everything and felt all those feelings of confusion yet expressed absolute reverence to God in spite of all his sorrows. Haha... I'm FAR from that of course. I have no such sorrows. But I have my challenging situations, and every challenging situation is an opportunity to glorify Him.

Besides, He made me an expressive person for a reason. I can't help it! Haha.. so there. =)

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth,
where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal;
but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven,
where neither moth nor rust destroys
and where thieves do not break in and steal.

For where your treasure is,
there your heart will be also."

Matthew 6:19 - 21

You know,

2008-11-02T04:14:00.000+08:00

Life is interesting. One day you're a kid worrying about whether the popular girls in your class think you're pretty enough to share secrets with or not, and in the next... you're faced with all sortsa complicated abstract seemingly non-conclusional problems in varying situations. Yes, what a lot of big words.

A good friend and I were having a chat over a late lunch the other day (late because we're both bums who wake up in time to feel hungry at 3pm. Heh) and we were talking about how it seems there are two ways people have friendships.

1. Those who have friendships with people who aren't close enough for heart-to-heart talks, but yet they're happy spending a big deal of their time with them even though their conversations never really go below the surface. And the thing I've observed is, these people eventually sort of (finally) make it to a certain level of trust between one another - like after a whole long deal of hoo-haa-ha-ha-wishy-washy-la-la-life-is-fun. But boy does it take a whole lot of time before it gets there.

2. Then there are those who seem very focused on the kind of people they'd want to trust in from the beginning. Almost immediately upon finding each other and their common values, beliefs, and passions in life - an immensely strong bond of brotherly/ sisterly friendship begins to weave itself very quickly together. The trust is there right from the start (well, most of it) and every conversation although lighthearted in its own playful way, it is always life-giving, nurturing, and strengthening on both parts. Wholesomely and fully enjoyable altogether - usually without the need of any sort of materialistic entertaining factors to assist.

The difference in time management.

I've learned, and am still learning that these two "worlds of people" inevitably coexist amongst one another. One cannot do without the other, and vice versa. And yet, every clash of these differences just kinda... rocks the boat - for both parties of course... to be fair. I guess.

(I'm TRYING not to be bias here. I get credit for that at least!)

So anyway, when the boat rocks, how do you live with each other? How do you handle your complicated abstract seemingly non-conclusional problems in varying situations of such friendships? I mean, especially since we've established that there simply exists two such kinds of people/ friendships and so there's no going back to question "Why can't you just be like me?" and so on. We've got to accept that part at least. So how do we deal with the um... effect it causes?

I don't know how to deal with such a clash of "friendship-styles". I don't know how to keep the see-saw at an equal level. I feel stuck everytime I'm faced with yet another one. And another. And another. It's like every bitsy being of who I am is just simply incapable of conforming to the other, no matter how hard I try. We are who we are.

Sigh... and yet in all this muddle of thoughts and principles of life, I hear a Still Small Voice saying, "Love. Just love one another as I have loved you."

Love is so illogical really.

Which ironically, totally makes sense because that's how God is. He's exceedingly abundantly above and beyond what our minds can even begin to think or imagine. He ain't logical to our humanly small understanding of logic. He's not confined to that box, no.

So... okay God, help me love others just like You do then. That's the only thing I know how to do in my "what-a-lot-of-big-words" situations at least. To ask You that. Coz humanly speaking? I just can't work it out myself.

2008-10-31T02:06:00.000+08:00

My friend just got offered a job by Discovery Travel and Living Channel!!! The international one!!! The REAL thing!!! omgomgomg.

But he can't take it due to personal matters. *potongggg*

Aiyo, if God were to throw something like that in my face right now. I dunno what I'd do. I'd be so... stuck.

Once again, the world is my option. The only question is - God, where do You want me?

On another partially unrelated note...

You know its time to expect something new when one chapter of your life is closed. One lesson after the next la.

=S

Growing Up.

2008-10-30T03:06:00.000+08:00

WARNING: This May Seem Like A Rather Self-Absorbed Post.
So... Enjoy! ;)

I've been missing my childhood years quite a lot recently...

I missed being tiny... I missed being carried by someone.

I missed feeling like the world around me was HUGE and I missed that feeling of being naturally in awe of the simple things in life.

I missed finding challenges in small things and having childlike innocence - yet to gain knowledge of the big grown-up-world.

I missed the simplicity of people and friendships.

And then I thought of the awkward teenage years, and how impatient I was to grow up.

And so I grew up...

And it wouldn't stop! This growing up thing...

I found myself doing so many grown-up things.
Having to be the big grown-up I'd always wanted to be.
Even when it was difficult.

The numbers kept turning, things kept changing.
And I suddenly realized I'm not that little girl wishing to grow up anymore.
It made me feel kinda sad.
Like I had lost something precious.
My childhood perhaps.

But in all that daydreaming... I realized, that not everything changed over time. There's been one thing I've always had with me. And that one thing, I know I will never lose. The eternal unconditional faithfulness and love from an amazingly wonderful Heavenly Father above. He never changes, He never fails, and He'll never leave me.

And then I realized... that means He's taking care of me just like a father does. He's carrying me through difficult times. He's got so many surprises in store for me! The world is still so big! There's is still so much to learn and do for the first time! Whether its the season of high school, college, work, single-hood, marriage, kids.... There's so much I can still be in awe of! I have a big God to be in awe of!

Yup! And the coolest part about growing up is that every living breathing moment of life is a sparkling, glowing, shining, mesmerizingly marvelous opportunity to discover Who my Maker is! It's a privilege to get to know the heart of my Heavenly Father and to discover who He is in me.

And so, I'm not sad about growing up anymore. (I had many superriffic years of childhood anyways. Nothing to complain about) In fact, I'm pretty happy to be where I'm at, and who I am.. regardless of time and space...

...Because I know I'll always still be His little girl. =)

Love is a verb. God is love. God is a verb. Love.

2008-10-27T03:22:00.000+08:00

I could live life alone
And never feel the longings of my heart
The healing warmth of someone's arms
And I could live without dreams
And never know the thrill of what could be
With every star so far and out of reach
I could live with many things
And I could carry, but...I couldn't face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know

I can't live a day without You
Lord, there's no night and there's now morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You're the heartbeat of all I do
I can't live a day without you

I could travel the world
See all the wonders beautiful to me
They'd only make me think of You
And I could have all life offers
Riches that were far beyond compare
To grant my wish without a care
Oh, I could do anything
And I could carry on, oh yes
But if you weren't in at all...
Jesus, I live because You live
You're like the air I breathe
Oh Jesus, oh, I have because You give
You're everything to me.

-Can't Live A Day, Avalon-

Whenever I hear this song, the first few lines would always catch my attention and totally bamboozle me. It always sounds so absurd! How could anyone be OKAY with never feeling loved by a human somebody special, how could anyone be OKAY living without even dreaming or ever accomplishing your dreams? How could you ever LIVE??? And yet the writer of this song says, all that he/ she can! But to live one day without God is beyond comparison... is just impossible... beyond our human means... beyond life!

And that really makes me think... Wow God, so You're worth THIS much. You're worth THIS EVERYTHING. This everything of ME. You're worth my ALL. You're worth my whole life! Everything even if it means I have nothing left - that's what You're worth and SO MUCH MORE!

And then I'm just suddenly overwhelmed by this rushing mix of feelings all collaborating in and through one another - that God is SO SO GREAT and MAJESTIC and BEYOND what our minds can even BEGIN to imagine much less understand, that I'm suddenly reduced to the reality of my teeeeeny tiny insignificance in the midst of this whole *waves hands frantically in the air* entire UNIVERSE! And finally that even though there is such a DRAAAASSTIC difference of such two beings... there ACTUALLY exists a means of connection!

Love.

God's unwavering unconditional everlasting overwhelming whole and pure love for us.

It's so bizzarre!

and then I realize the value that such love brings in me.

*sings, "oh! oh! MARVELLOUS LOVE!..."*

p.s. Remember the story of Horton Hears A Who? The great elephant and the little helpless creatures living on the tiny speck? And the lengths and persecution the elephant went through at the end against all odds... to save that little helpless speck?

If you see the connection, you'll know why I cried when I watched that movie. Even though it was a very silly cartoon. =)

MPH Booksaaaaaaaalllee!!!!!

2008-10-26T03:34:00.000+08:00

Oh I just LOVE the sight of this...

Lookit whatson ma beAAyooootifuulll bookshelf now!

Yeah baby! We got the WHOLE Vampire series by Stephenie Meyer for only RM 73!!!
RM23 for Twilight.
RM 10 for Eclipse.
RM 20 each for New Moon and Breaking Dawn because Sin Yee sold it to us second-hand.
Gosh. We actually OWN all four books! A dream come true! Zoe and I couldn't stop staring at them in awe. (It would cost at least RM 200 for the whole set normally)

My happy booklets!!!!! They were selling the whole set lah! Heaps of Mr. and Miss.'s... I went crazy! But they're RM6 each and "Sikit sikit jadi bukit" so had to control a bit lah. =S Chose the ones that I relate to best. Haha. (Okay fine. Except the Tiny one. You happy?)

Oops. Ok just tilt your head to view. My childhood favs! I think Dr. Seuss is the wackiest genius in the world! Like my brother says about Phil Vischer (the creator of Veggie Tales), "He must be the happiest man in the world!" haha... and I found my Berenstain Bears!!! Oh So Happy!!!!

Unfortunately though, when you grow up you often find that the creators behind great stories are usually suffering from great depression or are screwed up in one way or another. Another thing about growing up... I used to LOVE The Adventures of Tin Tin... I tried reading those comics again last night and I found I couldn't enjoy it the way I did before. It was so annoying! I couldn't help noticing how unrealistic it was that such untrained people were even allowed on a space rocket much less a pair of blur detectives end up on the moon by chance and the storyline was just weak. Then I tried to free my mind from all realism and just read it like the naive 7-year-old me would... but I just couldn't!This sucks lah. I hate this part of growing up. I also can't believe I half regret knowing that Tin Tin was NOT the first man on the moon coz it makes me realize I don't get to ask, "Dad? Is it true? Was the first man on the moon named Tin Tin too?" Crap. I miss my childhood so badly.

Anywaysss... we bought a whole load of books lah. (Collectively - Sam, Zoe, and myself. Can you guess which ones belong to each of us?) Books are such treasures really. Not books la... stories. But I'm also a sucker for great cover-designs. Heh. Most of these books I've read before and deem worthy of my own purchase as they're written by excellent authors. And the rest, I'll add to the list of books to devour next week. As if I haven't got enough already. I have this BAD habit of reading like 5 books at a time. I get too excited to wait to finish one before I start on the next. So every story comes in parts. Heh.

I think I'm starting a collection la. I want to be rich and build a beautiful cosy library in my home where these books can live. I want to collect good fairytales.and children's stories. Hard cover ones, well-bound and beautifully illustrated, unabridged if possible. It will be my treasure trove! Its better than collecting China tea cups to place idlily behind a glass display. (Yes I am aware I'm becoming just like my mother) And I will add them in my will as my dying gift to my grandchildren. Eh cost a lot wan you know! *Thinking of the huge leather bound set of classics sitting in Jody's father's study room. Oh Lord forgive me for I covet.*

I shall visit the MPH booksale again on Monday to add "The Shack" to my bookshelf. It's getting very intruiging and I'm sure Darren Ash would want his copy back. Hmm.. time to update my virtual bookshelf on FB too!

Coming soon: "Why I Prefer Andersen Over Grimms" and "Who Needs Magic When You Have Miracles?"

The Fireflies Project @ Angsana, USJ 1.

2008-10-26T01:40:00.000+08:00

It's almost done!!! Yay!!!

Meet my pink octopus. She lives in the corner of the Sea World class room. If you're wondering why she's lacking of a few tentacles... its because she's facing you at an angle. Yes, that's what I plan to tell the kids when they ask. Esther did the bubbles. They're beautiful and so real-looking!

We brought furniture in a month back. Got it all free! Praise God!

...and wiped them all clean and arranged them in their respectful classrooms. Still wondering what to do about that damaged bit of wall. We had a budget so I didn' tbuy blue paint for this one. It was already blue. And I can't buy a whole bucket of paint (even a small one) to match the shade of this just to paint it up. Prolly gonna cover it up with something lah. Need to add white curtains.

This is the main hall. Ain't it nice? =) I LOVE this shade of green. Got the foresty idea from Allison of course. We let Kumbi handle the tree herself. So its her baby. =) Love the cheerful green leaves! Need to add curtains here too. What color you reckon? I'm thinking either dark brown or a good shade of matching green. Anything else would be gross.

Now all this place needs are a bunch of little children and their books. =)

Okay so let me explain. This is the small apartment we've rented to start a community project in USJ 1. There are at least 50 kids aged 7-12 in that area who don't have the money for an education. So we'll be running English (and Math, I think) classes in this place every Saturday for them. It's called the Fireflies Project because although these kids come from not-so-well backgrounds, they're bright children who deserve the chance of an education! Like fireflies! (Okay, fireflies don't need education. I didn't mean that last part literally.)

So (Y.B.) Hannah Yeoh gave this project to Jochebed, who gathered a team of teachers and gave the refurbishment responsibility to me, and I had a ball with doing up the place lah! With A LOT of help from everyone of course. Couldn't have done it without them so THANK YOU TEAM!!!! It was heaps fun working with you guys!

I got to design it and choose the colors and get the furniture and buy everything and oh it was fun! (Except the to-ing and fro-ing of transporting the furniture in the van. I'm tired of driving that green machine. Anyone care to be driver?) It's the biggest "deco/ design-related" project I've worked on so far and most exciting coz it was totally my responsibility to make sure it was carried out!

I think responsibility is good la. It trains you to be a better dependable person each time. =) Good lesson for me. I was especially excited about this coz I think this is my first time being totally actively involved in a community project in M'sia. I'm really heaps so thankful for this opportunity to reach out to the needy people in my "backyard" so to speak. Like wow. This is the real thing! The commitment and teamwork and everything. Not a one-off mission trip like before.

I should show you guys the pictures of the place BEFORE. It was just disgustingly dodgy with the ugliest combination of paint colors for the walls and ceiling. Ugh. I don't have them though. So anyways... right now we're just waiting for a few more approvals to be signed and all that paper work settled before we get this project rolling. We've discussed the teaching plan and the materials we'll be using (I'm not in charge of all that so a bit blur still) and I'm so excited!!!

Can't wait to meet and get to know the kids! Oh.. and teach them too of course. Hehe.

Yay! Moving on!

2008-10-22T01:32:00.000+08:00

Mmm.... today was somewhat better than the previous two weeks.

Quote Sarah Joy:

"That's the thing about life eh, you ace a life lesson one week, it'll come back again the next time in a different scenario and you'll have to almost relearn it. But God's gracious, and very very patient and growth is really really painful but very very GOOD :D"

So maybe God decided I could use a breather to carry on. TO CARRY ON. Not get more distracted. Heehee. But at least I know I am loved.... by a big great God of course! and I do know growth is painful but very very GOOD! Its so worth it I'm so for it!

Quote Huey Ming:

"And so I decided to just work with what I have, and take hold of the opportunities before me.."

Yayyyyy!!! I don't have to be a religious bum bum all wrapped up in ideologies and doctrines of what nots! YWAM may not have worked out, but I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE!!!!

ahhh... the relief!

Goodbye to friggin two weeks of having nothing to wake up to. Ugh, lifeless till can die.

Today dad was like, "You see. You just can't stay home for one whole day can you? You just haaave to go out. Haaaave to do something. huh?!"

and I say YES! YES YES YES! (I can stay home for one whole day la obviously, just one!)
I am not a work-a-holic no... I am not a crazy task-oriented person no (I'm changing that I promise!) ... I am just...

a very active person lah!

haha.

I read Lyn's blog almost everyday since she's the only one who updates most frequently (and is interesting enough) and I think to myself... now why can't I blog like freely as often as that? and then I remember, me blogging everyday wouldn't count beecaaaauuuseeeee

I'm not OUT THERE yet!!!!

so I'm goingggg!!! okay, I'm GOINGGG!!!!

and nothing's gonna stop me!!!

haha ok this was an unneccesary random blogpost expressing sudden burst of... uh

a better day lah. Hee. =)

have a great week peeps!

Sarah is back!

hahahha...

Anothersarahmomentforyou.

2008-10-20T03:04:00.000+08:00

sometimes i stumble upon uh... sights... which are just downright discouraging till the point it tears my heart up or just stabs its old wounds once more. and i feel like never going there again. (but i keep doing so for some stupid reason. still having difficulty cutting out stuff) and i wonder if this is the start of shutting out the world and living in my own little make-believe perfect world. and then i think to myself, it isn't make believe. its just the other side of the world which i choose to surround myself with. just like how the other OTHER people from their other OTHER side of the world chooses NOT to surround themselves with the parts from mine.

i just hate it when people talk like they're sooooo experienced in the big bad world and that they're the ones with the better knowledge of life thus they're allowed to say there's no such thing as hope and everything else good that's left coz all you see is an illusion and the rest is left to the movies. this world is a lie blablabla you sorry souls.

like that i can also say that they're the ones living in complete oblivion to the grace of God and the goodness that still prevails (and IS growing) on this very same planet we share isn't it?
Bah.

and you dare call me ignorant. you twerps.

sigh. i know i promised never to blog bad on this one. but i'm upset thats all. from a reminder i just got from somewhere that makes me realize my process is taking loooooong. and almost every moment of it is painful. and i wish i could just forget as one easily blinks an eye. i wish it just ceased to matter suddenly. like every existence of such a past just never.... existed!

in moments like these...

i absolutely hate the fact that i'm (apparentely) such a "people-person".

i hate it hate it hate it.

coz if i wasn't, i wouldn't care at all.

boy am i looking forward to the day i will look back on this one season of my life and laugh at how small it is/ was compared to whats ahead.

itwillcomeitwillcomeitwillcomeitwillcomeitwillcome. i know it will lah. i've said a big goodbye before and i CAN do it again. i will.

Hidden Treasure of the week

2008-10-17T02:08:00.000+08:00

I have NO IDEA what took me so long to watch this movie. It's been sitting in my comp for dunno-how-long and my brother was telling me its a freaking brilliant movie and I just thought, "uhuh" while recalling how bored I was while trying to watch the other music-related movie. (See I can't even remember the name. Falling Slowly one.)

But I just watched it! And its so.... magical! Haha... its not like the BEST movie ever in history.. but its really... special? I'm at a loss for words. The cast were PERFECT for their characters.

I've always thought Jonathan Rhys Meyers hot ever since I first saw him in Vanity Fair (even though he had an idiot's role in that one). I love that arrogant-i'm-too-sexy-for-this-shit look he's got. Haha.. And Keri Russell is so dazzlingly beautiful in this movie! Such a goddess lah. (Actually, Lyn... she reminds me of you. Her features! Really wan.)

Oh so nice! =) Just when I was craving to watch another good movie this week.

I finally watched Amelie last week as well.

She's so lovably peculiar! Yay for happy happy stories! Maybe its good I don't crave to watch these things all the time... its nice to one day discover it for yourself... like hidden treasure!

Feeling stuck.

2008-10-15T01:29:00.000+08:00

"Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be
Something much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
Gives me credit for..."

- John Mayer -

I think,

He's bringing me to yet another level of faith.

The Project: SHOUT

2008-10-14T15:20:00.000+08:00

AAAAAAAAHHK!!!

2008-10-10T01:20:00.000+08:00

I just met the cutest little person this week!

Deandra!

So cute so cute so cute so cute so cute!!!!! behtahan. I wanna go to Klang more often now. haha.

Eek!